Thursday, December 27, 2007

Dreamscape

One eye for the dreamscape
Where people know no hate
And smiles come from the heart
In which one has no fright

One ear for the dreamscape
Where lovers unite by fate
And they sing to each other
Songs of love forever

One hand for the dreamscape
Where help comes for those who wait
And one could feel and touch
Without fear of thorns and barbs

One feet in the dreamscape
In the shimmering pool of illusion
Where the world is pure perfection
Yet but a mere bright reflection

One eye to see the way
One ear to hear the call
One hand to open the door
One feet to walk the path

To the world forever waiting
Outside the door of the dreaming
To the world forever waiting
For those who seek the ending

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

A Merry Christmas To You

May your heart shine bright
not just on Christmas night
but forever be a light
for the world in plight

Thus I say to you, Merry Christmas

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Beautiful Dreamer

Will you ever wake up, beautiful one?
Locked in your castle of rainbows
Sleeping in your bed of roses
Dwelling in eternal slumber

Will you ever wake up, beautiful one?
From your garden of fragrant memories
From your home of iridescent colors
From the world so near, yet so far

Will you ever wake up?
To stand and not sleep
To walk and not quit
To see, hear, and feel

The world without illusions
Cold, bare, and gray
The bars of your prison
A cage of broken dreams

Monday, November 19, 2007

Starless

The stars are my wings
Took me high on a clear night
Soaring under the moonlight
With feathers sparkling bright

The stars are my wings
Took me spinning and spinning
Dazzling, Enchanting
Mesmerizing, Intoxicating

The stars are my wings
But only for tonight
Because the dream is nearing its end
And day is coming again

But let us dance tonight
When the sky is still bright
And I am still flying
On my star-clad wings

Monday, November 12, 2007

Quote

To my friends who's had problems in a relationship, a few words of advice.

In a relationship, there are two sentences that should always be
They are "Thank you" and "Sorry"

In a relationship, there is one sentence that should never be
It is "Break up"

Vending Machine

Hors de Prix, or better known with its western name, Priceless. It is a French romantic comedy that was shown on Jakarta's Theaters several weeks ago.

Actually, I've watched this movie quite some time ago, but it only recently came to my mind again. Blame the heavy traffic of Jakarta for that. Thinking is one of the most productive activity that one can do while driving at an average speed of barely 1 kmph.

Well, on with it. I won't really get into details with this movie. You can find reviews all over the net. I'm just going to go over one theme that struck me when I watched it. For those who are uninformed, the movie highlights the lifestyle of rich Europeans who have too much money on their hands. And those who took advantage of that.

These... 'parasites' are those who find rich and lonely old men (or women), satisfy their needs, hang around, make them happy, while enjoying themselves (and get richer) along the process.

As is noted in the movie, these people who spend their money mostly knew that they are being used. But they still spend their money nonetheless. Some people may find it strange. But to me, they're just using their money to buy something. I found these people to be a distinct analogue of vending machine users. Put in your money, and it'll give you their product. Which in this case would be.. presence.

Why do I say that? Perhaps because I know how some people really hate being alone. Alone in a mental and spiritual state, not physical. A feeling that becomes more easily found in modern people, in this age of individualism. And I know how far one would go to rid themselves of that feeling.

Some would leave the steady life they've lead all the while. Some would leave families behind. Some ruining other people's life. All to chase after this incoherent thing called "presence" when they couldn't find it in their ordinary life. So when one spends several thousand dollars a day for simple human presence.. I'm not too surprised.

Midnight Scribbles

Waking up in the middle of the night
Choking in the stale, dead air
Listening to the voiceless whispers
Drowning in the creeping darkness

As I fought the void's caress
As I ignored the eternal whispers
I've come to remember
How much I hate being alone

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Disappointment

Sometimes I just hate it when you've tried so hard, put a lot of yourself to something, and then it just fell apart one way or another. Leaving all those hard work for naught, with nothing left to show except perhaps scars and blisters from the effort. I'd usually say that nothing is ever totally useless, and one could find something to gain even from the most disastrous event. But sometimes it's just too easy to think like "Hell, why do I even bother."

I know, I shouldn't. But that's how I thought.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Se, Jie

Went out and watched some movie today. It's titled "Lust, Caution" ('Se, jie' in Chinese)starring Tony Leung and newcomer Tang Wei. And what a movie that was. To put it shortly, it's an espionage movie taking place in China at the year 1938-1942, when the country is occupied by Japan. It revolves around young Chinese patriots supporting the country in their war against Japan, with some unexpected ways.

The plot is not too deep. It's neat and at times, unexpected, but not too much so. The power of the movie comes in the acting and the caharacters. The character of Mr. Yee, played to perfection by Tony Leung is very impressive. Detestable, cruel, yet very humane. The same could be said about Wang Jiazhi, played by Tang Wei, She's also a 'powerful' character, with different reasons.

It's a fine watch, well worth the two hour length. Be forewarned though, the movie contains graphical sex and nudity, hints of sado-masochism, and other themes that one might find offensive. Even after the censor, it's still contains quite some amount of these things.

As for myself.. well, I'm feeling better now. The movie helps. In fact, the whole date helps. Thanks for the great night, dear friend :D

Monday, October 29, 2007

Temper

Lately, my emotion control has been slipping. Hell, it's just so easy to lose my temper and just snap at someone, then regret it later. I don't really know... Maybe all this indecision and waiting has gotten me into me at last. Gosh, I'm tired.

I wish I could just say I'm alright, and everything is fine. But well, they're not.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Jakarta and Traffic Congestion

First of all, I will assume that you readers are familiar with the traffic condition in Jakarta, the beloved capital city of Indonesia. If you don't, then all the better for you. Believe me, you don't want to feel it firsthand. It's that bad.

The worst part about traffic in Jakarta, is the frequency and severity of congestion. Heavy congestion happens daily, even twice a day. At mornings, when people get to office, and afternoons, when people got out of office. And even outside of those hours, severe congestions happen all the time. Almost anywhere. Even in the toll highways, which are supposedly free of obstacles.

At times, traffic congestion are the aftereffects of an accident, a road renovation, nonfunctional traffic lights. But most of the time, traffic congestion happens because of something simple. Like all congestions, it happened because there is insufficient space to contain the passing mass. In this situation, it means, too few road area for too many vehicles.

It's not that Jakarta has small road. I believe that they got the the widest roads in the nation. It's just that they got too many vehicles on the road. Try seeing the larger streets in Jakarta in peak hours, such as Rasuna Said, or Sudirman. The roads are huge, around four lanes in all. But the volume of car passing through them is even more than that huge capacity could contain. It would probably take an eight-laned road to contain the kind of traffic that passes those roads at peak hours.

Unfortunately, expanding the road would be out of the question. The heaviest load of traffic in Jakarta happens in crowded commercial and business areas, areas that have no more room to spare for significant road expansion. The only solution left, is, naturally, to reduce the number of vehicles traversing the roads. It is what the provincial government has tried to do in the past few years, with no much success.

The majority of vehicles traversing most of Jakarta's crowded roads are private vehicles. It is only logical that these largest portion are the one that is targeted for reduction. To solve this problem, first, we must understand why people in Jakarta use private vehicles int he first place. I'll try to outline several reasons I can think of.

1. Safety

Most people of mid-to-high income in Jakarta are simply afraid to use public transport. The popular belief is that public transport in Jakarta are unsafe, downright dangerous, even. While this is not entirely true, it can't be denied that the number of crimes on public transport in Jakarta is quite high. Thievery, robbery, and coercion happens daily on mikrolet, buses and trains.

This situation must be amended before people of these higher economic class would consider using public transport. If people feel that these public transport are safe, then they'll not be afraid to use it.

2. Unreliability of Public Transport

Most public transport vehicles in Jakarta have a bad habit of stopping wherever they like, for as long as they like. Usually to fill passengers. This action known as "ngetem" is very variable in time. Sometimes it took a mere five minutes before the vehicle is full and the driver decides its time to go. But sometimes it can took almost an hour before the driver decides to move on. Believe me, it happened to me once.

This action is very annoying, especially when one has an appointment to attend. This unreliability is one reason why people are loath to use public transport. With a private vehicle, someone could calculate the time to reach a place quite reliably if he can compensate for traffic jam by going early. When going with public transport, it is harder to compensate and calculate reliably.

Even the transjakarta busway, who doesn't have the "ngetem" practice, is rather unreliable. This is due to the fact that the buses arrive irregularly and the stops are often crowded. This means that sometimes you only wait for a minute to get on a bus, and next time, you'd probably wait half an hour before you finally got on a bus.

To increase reliability, there are several ways. But the most effective one is to provide a new public transport which is reliable and has the ability to carry a lot of people. The obvious candidate is a Subway train, which is unhindered by traffic and fast.

3. Lifestyle

Face it. Going with private vehicle is part of the lifestyle in Jakarta. Some families have one car for each of the family member. Some even more than that. This is made even more so with the cheap bank loan for buying new vehicles. This is one of the hardest to handle. While increasing public services can make people use public transport, it can't change people's lifestyle.

The only suggestion I have to hamper the "One Kid One Car" habit is by increasing taxes for new vehicles, but I doubt that wouldn't work effectively. Not with the government officials still using cars to go anywhere.


That's all, I guess. Any other reasons that i haven't mentioned? Any comments?

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Hand in Hand

Hand in hand, my friend
Love will forever be by your side
Do not be afraid, never give up
Everything will be over soon,
because with you and me, there will be rainbow tomorrow
Hand in hand, my friend
Love will forever be by your side

-Translated refrain of the song "Shou Qian Shou"

Monday, September 24, 2007

When Your Time Comes

It's been a while since I posted here. Partly because I don't really have anything to write. And partly because I'm rather.. busy nowadays ^^; But well, here I am again. Be warned. It's going to be incoherent rambling as usual.

Lately, I got several bad news. Mostly about some elder people in my family. And I'm constantly reminded, that they're getting old. That we are only living in this world for a while, only for our lifetime, and when that rental period is over, we'll move on. Who knows where.

People get old, sick, and die. I know that. It's the eerie calmness that's been bothering me. When hearing those bad news, I don't really say anything, other than some disinterested 'Oh.'. Don't know, perhaps I've seen too much. Perhaps I've lost too much. Or perhaps I've just stopped caring. They're family, I know. And logic dictates that I should care about their wellbeing. But sometimes... I don't really know.

Oh well. Enough of this aimless rambling. Not like it'll do me any good.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Journey to the East, Part Two

PS : Oops, I didn't realize that I used the same tile as Ipeh on this topic ^^; Sorry, peh, didn't mean to copy :P

Hari keempat

Hari ini Acid pulang duluan ke Bandung. Jadi sedikit lebih sepi. Yah, hari ini seperti biasa diisi dengan jaga pameran. Sesampai di sana, saya melakukan ritual harian, yaitu mengecek perolehan suara untuk Lomba Cipta Jagoan Indonesia. Sampai pagi itu, karakter "Kala" ciptaan Aziza Noor (aka scarlet_dragonchild) masih menjadi pemuncak klasemen. Wow. Kontes cipta jagoan itu sendiri cukup ramai, dengan beberapa desain yang unik dan menjanjikan, seperti Eituo yang lucu, atau Becak Terbang ki Cakra.

Malam ini kami berjalan-jalan di kota Malang. Mulai dari toko "Oen" dimana kami menikmati ice cream yang enak. Sayang Grand Marniere-nya sedang tidak ada T_T Lalu berjalan-jalan di skitar alun-alun kota Malang, melihat-lihat kota Malang di kala malam. Setelah itu kami membeli martabak untuk "makan malam" :P

Hari yang menyenangkan ini ditutup dengan nonton film yang Oz bawa dari Bandung, "Pan's Labyrinth".

Hari kelima

hari ini adalah hari terakhir pameran. Dan juga hari diman apengunjung stan paling ramai. Kebanyakan pengunjung menyukai komik "Saka" yang karakternya nyeleneh dan iseng minta ampun. Tapi banyak juga yang mlihat-lihat komik-komik lain yang kami pamerkan. Salah satu komentar di hari itu sempat membuatku dan Nats tertawa.

Pengunjung : "Mas, komik yang itu Yaoi ya?" *menunjuk ke arah 'Flight of a Nightingale'*
Saya : "Loh, emangnya kenapa mbak?"
Pengunjung : "Soalnya cowok-cowoknya cantik..."

Saya dan Nats langsung ketawa-ketiwi sendiri. Kenapa? Baca saja Flight of a Nightingale kalau ingin tahu :))

Selain itu, di hari terakhir ini diumumkan hasil Lomba Cipta Jagoan Indonesia. Seperti dugaan, "Kala" menjadi pemenang utama, walaupun selisih suaranya lebih tipis dari perkiraan saya. Selamat untuk Aziza ^^;

Akhirnya, setelah pamitan dengan LO dan panitia dan stand-stand lain, kami meninggalkan tempat pameran yang sudah empat hari kami huni. Kemana? Ke seberang, alias Matos. Malam ini bos Ozzi mentraktir kami Pizza Hut. Yay! ^^;


Hari keenam

Harusnya kami pulang hari ini. Garis bawahi kata harusnya. Berhubung saat saya sampai di stasiun untuk beli tiket, ternyata habis untuk hari ini, jadilah kami kembali besoknya saja. Walaupun demikian, somehow saya merasa senang kami tidak kembali hari itu. Ekstra satu hari untuk bersenang-senang di Malang ^^;

Hari itu diisi dengan nonton "Bridge to Terabithia". A very fine movie, IMO. Tapi tontonan kami terhenti di dekat ending ketika listrik mati mendadak. Akhirnya Oz dan Ipeh tidur. Saya sendiri sempat tidur sejenak, sampai mendengar suara-suara d bawah. Ternyata anak-anak tetangga Natsu datang berkunjung. Jadilah saya ngobrol-ngobrol dan main-main di bawah bersama anak-anak lucu tersebut ^^;

Akhirnya hari ini diisi dengan santai. Tidur-tiduran. Begulingan. Tapi tak apa-apa :P It's fun ^^;


Hari keenam

Hari terakhir di Malang diisi dengan pergi makan es krim. Dan saya mencoba es krim dengan rhum yang enak sekali ^^; Kapan-kapan mesti ke sana lagi. Akhirnya setelah pergi makan, kami kembali ke rumah Nats, memberesi barang-barang, lalu kembali ke Jakarta, untuk kemudian lanjut ke Bandung dan kembali ke kehidupan sehari-hari.


Overall, Liburan yang sangat menyenangkan. Terima kasih banyak buat Natsu dan keluarga yang sudah mau menampung kami selama enam hari :D Semoga kapan-kapan bisa ke Malang lagi. Belum puas jalan-jalannya ^^;

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Journey to The East, Part One

Around a month ago, I went to Malang with some friends to attend the 6th National Comic and Animation Week (PKAN6). This is my recollections on what happened. This post and the next part would be written in Indonesian. Mainly because I'm too lazy to rewrite my notes in English.

Hari Pertama.

Berangkat tanggal 27 Agustus dari Jakarta, naik kereta bersama Ozzi dan Ipeh. Sempet terbengong-bengong sejenak saat melihat karung bawaannya Oz yang penuh dengan barang2 pameran. Mau bilang bahwa kalau pameran sebaiknya bawa barang2 yang perlu saja. Tapi sepertinya kebanyakan memang perlu :P Yah, lain kali ga usah bawa scanner dan kotak kartu MTG lah Oz.

Perjalanan ke Malang selama 12 jam lebih terasa lama. Mungkin karena memang lama :P Untungnya sempat beli buku di Gramedia siangnya untuk bacaan. Selain baca-baca, akhirnya banyak ngobrol dengan mas yang duduk di sebelahku. Ternyata dia juga ke malang untuk pameran, walaupun pamerannya berbeda. Kami pameran komik, beliau pameran buku.


Hari Kedua.

Sampai di Malang pagi hari menjelang siang. Setelah sempat celingukan sejenak di stasiun, mencari pintu keluar, akhirnya kami beranjak ke tempat peristirahatan dengan angkot. Sedikit bingung begitu sampai, berhubung kami semua baru kali ini ke malang. Untung petunjuk dari guide kami cukup jelas, dan Malang ternyata juga tidak sebesar itu.

Setelah menemukan Kacang alias Natsu alias guide kami di pinggir jalan, kami berhenti dulu di rumahnya, menitipkan barang-barang dan beristirahat sejenak. Ternyata Acid sudah sampai duluan di sana.

Setelah makan pagi dan istirahat, kami beranjak ke tempat pameran. Rencananya sih cuma mau konfirmasi kedatangan, nitip barang, lalu baru mulai besok. Akhirnya kami malah mulai pameran hari itu juga, walau dengan stand yang dadakan. Mendekati sore, kami kabur dari tempat pameran, menuju Malang Town Square (MATOS) yang ternyata tepat di seberang jalan. Makan malam di sana memuaskan (Bebek bumbu bali. Hap ^^;)

Setelah makan dan main-main, kami bergerak kembali ke rumah Nats yang menjadi home base kami di Malang. Di perjalanan, terjadi hal menarik. Saat menunggu angkot, kami menunggu cukup lama, sampai kami mulai tidak sabar dan berpikir untuk menggunakan taksi. Waktu itu ditetapkan batas waktu 10 menit. Lebih lama dari itu, kami naik taksi saja. Tepat 10 menit kemudian, Ozzi bertanya "Berapa lama lagi?" dan saya menjawab "Sebentar lagi.. yak, habis." Dan tepat saat itu, angkot yang ditunggu lewat di depan kami.

Beh.

Hari Ketiga.

Hari ini terjadi sedikit kesulitan bangun pagi. Sepertinya karena semalam bangun sampai terlalu larut, atau simply karena kecapean di perjalanan. Yang jelas, kami berangkat terlambat ke tempat pameran. Yang diperparah dengan angkot yang ngetem sampai sejam.

Setelah seharian jaga pameran, diputuskan bahwa menu makan malam hari ini adalah sate, tepatnya sate yang lewat di depan rumah Natsu. Karena itu, dari pameran kami langusng beranjak pulang tanpa makan dulu. Seperti malam sebelumnya, kali ini kami juga menghadapi masalah dengan angkot ASD yang tidak datang-datang. Entah, sepertinya mereka sentimen dengan kami :D

BErhubung malam ini angkot ASD tidak muncul bahkan setelah dicountdown, maka kami menggunakan angkot lain, dengan sekali ganti. Sedikit berputar-putar memang, tapi menyenangkan. Jadi bisa melihat-lihat kota Malang.

Oh, dan saya menemukan hal yang lucu dengan angkot di Malang. Mereka jarang muncul saat dicari, punya waktu ngetem yang sangat variabel antara 5-45 menit, dan kapasitas maksimal mereka lebih dari 7-5-nya angkot bandung, bahkan walaupun mobilnya rata-rata lebih kecil. Soalnya kami sempat mengalami kapasitas... 8-6? atau lebih? mengingat masih ada yang menggelayut di pintu, dan seorang terpaksa dipangku :P


Sekian bagian satu, hari-hari selanjutnya akan dilanjutkan di bagian dua.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Random Thoughts

Things long forgotten
Thoughts forever drowned
Floated up from the depths
Causing ripples in the surface

Tearing away
The illusion of calmness
The veil of silence
The mask of indifference

Because of one hand
One hand that reached
Past the murky waters
Touching the spirit within

Silently beckoning
Silently inviting
Calling from behind the veil
Between illusion and reality

Does it matter, then?
Whether illusion or real
Pain always felt the same
Loss always felt the same

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Tagged by Cipto

Gee, thanks, Cip. I thought I was saved from this when Ipeh tagged Nats instead... Oh well, here goes.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Felix
2. Fei
3. Pil2 (okay, that one's limited to some people :P)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU'VE HAD:
1. Zaku(ruchi)
2. cangkir
3. Alvales

THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 33 MINUTES:
1. Drinking milk
2. Browsing
3. Walking to the lab

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My ability to write
2. My personality (though sometimes I dislike it)
3. My processing speed

THREE THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Envy
2. Tardiness
3. Indecisiveness

THREE PARTS OF YOUR ORIGINS:
1. Jakarta
2. Bandung
3. Orenjonion

THREE THINGS YOU'RE AFRAID OF:
1. Being alone
2. People's overexpectation
3. Hurting other people.. again...

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. shirt
2. pants
3. my trusty watch

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. friends
2. fresh air
3. sleep

THREE IMPORTANT OBJECTS:
1. My PC
2. Handphone
3. My wallet.. or rather, its contents :P

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS:
1. Simple Plan
2. Fiction Junction
3. Mocca

THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY:
1. Writing a good piece
2. Being with close friends
3. Making people happy

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Silly-go-round - Fiction Junction
2. Sakura Difference - Jyukai
3. Handel's Sarabande - Maksim

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Get a good job
2. Travel around Java with close friends
3. Write a novel-length story

THREE THINGS YOU REGRET:
1. School life. Could've been more fun
2. Hurting people precious to me
3. My hedgehog mode

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Mutual understanding
2. Companionship
3. Honesty

THREE IMPORTANT THINGS YOU'VE GIVEN TO THE WORLD:
Don't remember any.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in order):
1. Truth
2. Truth
3. Lie

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX:
1. Hair
2. Eyes
3. Smile

THREE EMOTIONAL THINGS YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX:
1. Understanding
2. Warmth
3. Frankness

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Eliminate my tardiness
2. Socializing for long period of time
3. Forget the past

THREE THINGS YOU MISS FROM YOUR PAST:
1. Lin
2. My father
3. ...

THREE GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE:
1. a laptop
2. money. Lots of it :D
3. a hug

THREE REASONS WHY YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE:
1. God
2. Myself
3. People around me

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
1. Writing
2. Browsing the internet
3. Gaming

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Meet a certain someone
2. WoW
3. Sop Buntut

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. IT Consultant
2. Writer
3. Quality Assurance for Games :D

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR HOLIDAY:
1. Singapore
2. Bali
3. Malang

THREE CARTOON CHARACTERS:
1. Tachiki Noriko (yes, you know what I've been reading...)
2. Spiderman
3. Tinuviel Eldaranel (^^)

THREE BOY’S NAMES:
I'm not good with names

THREE GIRL'S NAMES:
See above

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
Just to live my life as usual

Now, the next person to tag... Hm... Piyo~ if you're reading this, you're tagged :P


PS : Sponsor's message. Cupie, if you read this. You're tagged too.

Friday, July 20, 2007

When Reality Knocks at the Door

Warning : Unstructured rambling imminent.

How should I start? Well, suffice to say that i found some revelations about some things of the past. How much of it was true? I don't really know. And frankly, it doesn't matter. Sometimes I forgot how the world is not always what it seems. Sometimes, I forgot how thankful I should be for what I have.

Does it matter? Sometimes knowing something without being able to do anything about it, hurts just as much as not knowing anything. And I have just realized how selfish I am. Where was I when I'm needed? Where was I when someone I call friend suffers? In my ignorance, I shut myself from their world. Thinking it's all right out there. When in fact it's not. When in fact nothing is as simple as I thought.

What's past is past. One can only learn from it, and step forward. I know that, but sometimes it's just hard to do. Ah well, at the very least, this revelation taught me a lot. Be thankful for what you have... some people might kill for things you've taken for granted.

PS : Time to start caring more about what happens around you, you insensitive bastard...

Monday, July 16, 2007

Mine, or...?

Sometimes I'm confused. Is this feeling mine, or was it someone else's? Sometimes it's just too real to ignore. Too captivating to call it not my own. Or was it always a part of me? Are these words mine, or his? And does it matter? He's a part of me, as much as I am a part of him.

And I thank you, abbil, for your advice. Sometimes we need to be more honest with ourselves. Sometimes we need to start being more honest to others.

All trust is foolish, indeed. But sometimes we need to be a fool to truly enjoy life.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Lost and Found

Several days ago, I rummaged through my old archives and found some very old works of mine. Which leaves me wondering, where'd all that motivation go? Lately, I can't even bring myself to start writing. I have ideas, but no willpower to start. Ah, well, perhaps I should just get my rusty gears to work again...

After seeing those old works, I realized that my writing style's changed over the years. And well, it's a change for the better. I guess I should thank Ravey for that. All those years working at Forsaken : Black Heaven really improved my skills. Especially when faced with a very criticizing editor such as him.

Oh, and speaking of lost and found... I found some old links too. Two of them are my Johari window and my Nohari Window. For those who know me, feel free to fill them.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Done and Done

Finished. Sorta. Now, just waiting for the ceremonials.

Just one question though.

What am I going to do now?

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Simple Computer Problems

Things to do when your monitor shows a blank after startup (i.e. computer 'breakdown')

1. Take a look at your CPU lights when it's turned on. Is it running? If so, and if the monitor shows a 'No Signal Input', check the cable that connects your comp and the CPU. Most of the time it's just a loose cable.

2. When you start it up, does it emit an audible 'beep'? If so, check the beeping against the table below :

For Award and Phoenix BIOS:

1 short beep: Normal
2 short beeps: CMOS error
1 long and 1 short beep: DRAM error
1 long and 2 short beeps: Video card error
1 long and 3 short beeps: Keyboard error, or video card error
1 long and 9 short beeps: ROM error
Long continuous beeps: DRAM not installed correctly, bad memory, or incompatable
Short continuous beeps: Bad power supply



Check the appropriate hardware's plugging for each problem.

3. If it doesn't even start, meaning not even the lights are on, and no sound, check your power supply and cables. Most likely the problem stems from there.

This 'guide' is by no means perfect, and is put online only by the request of some friends who kept getting 'simple' problems with their PC. Feel free to use it, but be warned. Your mileage may vary.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Masquerade

Warning : What lies below is not the most structured writing you'll ever see. It's just a huge number of personal rants and ramblings put together in a fine bloody mess. And no, It's not directed to anyone in particular.


I sometimes wonder, do chameleons ever feel an identity crisis? I mean, when one spends most of their time mimicking others, doesn't one begin to feel like something else? Does it ever occur to them, that possibly, they've changed colors so often that they forgot what their true color truly are?

Some people sometimes wear too many masks, and forgot what their true faces are. Some were too afraid to open their masks, in fear of non-acceptance. And some wore them because of necessity, or so they thought.

It's probably fine for these masqueraders to shift from one mask to another, basking in their relative safety from the outside world. But, as a friend once told me, It's not that fine for those outside. It's not easy befriending someone while you don't really know what he thinks.

It's even worse when one's masquerade encounters another. And it's chilling to behold. Who knows, under the blanket of smiles, how many daggers are being hidden? When one spent their life inside a mask, it's only natural that one suspects what lies behind the mask of another. Imagine a society full of these creatures, always suspecting, never trusting, keeping distances away from the other with masquerades.


Then you'll have a colony of hedgehogs... or dark elves.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Tagged by Ipeh...

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
"Hal ini diperlukan karena dalam penentuan kandidat awal menggunakan signature..."
yes, it's my project report

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
Almost hit Oz...

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Star Sports in my friend's place

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
16:15

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
16:17

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
People talking.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Just now, walking to campus

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
My Project Report

9. What are you wearing?
Blue shirt and jeans

10. Did you dream last night?
Yeah

11. When did you last laugh?
Yesterday?

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Posters, Calendars, et cetera... (I'm in UKJ's secretariat ^^; )

13. Seen anything weird lately?
Oz, if he counts as weird

14. What do you think of this quiz?
...

15. What is the last film you saw?
Pirates of South china Sea... er... Caribbean : At World's End

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
A new PC

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I get depressed easily

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I don't really know

19. Do you like to dance?
yes

20. George Bush:
Which one? Senior or Junior?

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
That would be up to my future wife ^^;

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Look up :P

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Yeah

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
"Welcome home."

25. 4 people who must also do this meme in THEIR journal:
Those who wanted to :)

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

A Song

Ballad of Serenity
Joss Whedon & Sonny Rhodes

Take my love
Take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care
I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me

Take me out
To the black tell 'em I ain't coming back
Burn the land
And boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

Have no place
I can be
Since I found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me

Monday, May 28, 2007

The Little Girl and The Wolf

After reading Kappa's blog, I decided to run a little rampant on the web, searching for some older versions and variations to well-known fairy tales. After finishing my job, I came into conclusion that the Brothers Grimm did quite a good job in transforming some tales into bedtime stories as they were today. The older versions of some stories (e.g. Sleeping Beauty, Snow White) are not as tame as their well-known versions. To find out what I meant,just read the history sections of these stories in this page.

And while cruising the web, I found some interesting variations to these well-known tales. I'll post one that really caught my eye right after this. Enjoy ^^;


The Little Girl and the Wolf
by James Thurber

One afternoon a big wolf waited in a dark forest for a little girl to come along carrying a basket of food to her grandmother. Finally a little girl did come along and she was carrying a basket of food. "Are you carrying that basket to your grandmother?" asked the wolf. The little girl said yes, she was. So the wolf asked her where her grandmother lived and the little girl told him and he disappeared into the wood.

When the little girl opened the door of her grandmother's house she saw that there was somebody in bed with a nightcap and nightgown on. She had approached no nearer than twenty-five feet from the bed when she saw that it was not her grandmother but the wolf, for even in a nightcap a wolf does not look any more like your grandmother than the Metro-Goldwyn lion looks like Calvin Coolidge. So the little girl took an automatic out of her basket and shot the wolf dead.

(Moral: It is not so easy to fool little girls nowadays as it used to be.)

The Week That Was

It's almost done. Just a little finishing touch, and my final Project report is done, and I'll be ready for the final test. Ah well, It's been a week since my last post, and I think it's time to do post some rants (again).

Lately, I'm spending more money than usual, which is not good. I definitely have to begin saving until I find some income. Perhaps it's time to get some paying projects.

And I can't even recall what I've done in this past week, save from some uneventful things. Man, I'm bored. I guess I'll finish this report ASAP, and find some excitement somewhere...

Oh, and today someone asked me something about friendship. Which left me wondering, how many of those I considered friends are truly my friend, and how many are only acquaintances? Probably not that many, especially considering my tendencies to keep my distance from everyone. Ah well, I know I should change it, but knowing and being able to do it are two different things.

Stupid hedgehog.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

A Different Kind of Fool

Which is more stupid?
One who doesn't know what to do?
Or one who knew what to do,
yet can find no willpower to do it?

Which is more foolish?
One who loved everyone and not oneself
or one who loved nobody but oneself?
Tell me, then.

Actors who have many masks
But forgot what their face looked like
Philosophers who have many wisdom
Yet applied none to themselves

Lovers who loved and hurt
Shut out love in return
Afraid of hurt, they become
Not Lovers anymore

One who sees illusions of the past
Yet whose feet walks the present
Looking ever backwards
Never to the future

One who cares yet pretends not to
One who pretends to care but in truth don't
One who is blind but pretends to see
One who sees but averts their eyes.

Which kind of Fool are you?

Rants... and Lots of it.

Okay... where to start? I got a lot to rant about lately, and surprisingly (or not) most are not about myself.

Let's see. How about we start at... the legendary traffic problem in Jakarta. For those who lived there, you should know what I mean. The whole city streets are overpacked with private vehicles, public transport, and motorcycles. As some 'experts' would say, the solution to these traffic problems are Mass Rapid Transport (MRT). Hell, even a half-decent engineer like myself could figure that out.

Now, let's look at MRT. For now, Jakarta has its commuter train (which is reputedly packed and unsafe, but I leave that for readers to decide. Just try the 6 AM economic-class for a change.) and the new busway.

Suffice to say that the Busway system is... undermanned and underequipped to deal with the number of potential passengers. The newer corridors have far lesser number of vehicles than needed. As such, the arrival rate of the buses are erratic at best. Sometimes it only took 5 minutes, sometimes (more likely) they'd arrive at around 20 minutes interval, and even then, it's likely to be full and could only load only a handful of extra passengers.

Some stated that Jakarta would apply a congestion control zone to regulate the traffic. As a general rule, congestion control is nice, IF, and only IF the public transport is at least halfway decent. Which is, sadly, not the case for Jakarta. When congestion control is applied without decent public transport, people would have to choose between expensive private transport, or unreliable public transport. a choice between bad and worse. And believe me, it's not fun to be presented that kind of choice when you're just trying to make your living.

The obvious answer to transportation problems in a large city is Subway. The subway took virtually no space above ground (where it's tightly packed in large cities), and have a very good ratio of energy per people transported. Unfortunately this approach has severe problems two. One is that it's expensive to build, and expensive to maintain. This is usually not a problem, except that by being a public transport, it should be affordable to the potential passengers. 'Affordable' and 'Expensive' apparently doesn't like each other that much.

Two, is that Jakarta's underground map is sketchy at best. Imagine sewage lines, gas pipes, water pipes, phone lines, fiber optics, and all other goodies crisscrossing under there. And now imagine, how should you put a train tunnel through all that mess. Add to that, the fact that several of the agencies that overlook those mess aren't exactly well-coordinated, and some even, have inaccurate maps. Believe me, it's true. As an example, a friend once complained about an 'official' map of one of the agencies showing noticeable discrepancies of distance and scaling when compared to the field situation. And some, even showing objects that was not there. While some mislabeled an object as another. Fun, eh?

Of course, if one were to think through the problems, they should find some solutions. Ideas such as digging the tunnel deeper than the known pipes, or rerouting intersecting routes, were possibly viable.

Ah well, enough of my rant for now... Perhaps I'll continue later. Perhaps.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Empty

Again. This afternoon, I felt it again. That emptiness that's been haunting me. I know I should be working, finishing the last miles of my report. Yet, I can't help but feel it. I don't know. Was it the idyllic life? Was it my loneliness?

I don't know. Perhaps it's just reality hitting me straight in the face.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Research Life

These last weeks, I've been living in a chaotic pace, and it's begun taking it's toll on my body. I really should start stop my nocturnal lifestyle and return to normal. Well, what is 'normal' anyway? Just a perception of what the majority of people think is 'normal'. But well, that's enough.

Anyway, I've known how hard it was to do scientific research in Indonesia for a while, but yesterday was the first time I've experienced it first hand. After one year of hard work working on my research, now I got the chance to publicize it. Only one catch. I should pay for the publication fee. Yes. I should pay for it. And no, it's not a small amount, not for a student with no steady income like me. Well, after researching without payment for a year, that's quite some news.

Luckily, the university got me a discount, and my lecturer helped pay half the entrance fee. Or I wouldn't have it published. With the situation being like this in most places, I understand why it's so hard for Indonesian researchers to actually give mentionable results. And the educational climate in most universities nationwide isn't exactly helping.

With most universities pushing their students to graduate ASAP (higher turnover ratio of goods, higher income. Simple economics, eh?), 4 years max, how are they supposed to have time for anything other than studying?

One More Step

One more step. One more step, and I'll graduate from this place that's been my home for five years. One more step.

So why is it that hard to take that step? Dammit, I need motivation. At times like these, I hate being "one-handed"... C'mon man... pull yourself together.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Just the Right Way

Lost my way
In this winding road
Just don't know
Where to turn

But perhaps it's okay
Just to lose mysef
A little bit further
Just for a little while longer

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Lost Things

Have you ever find yourself giving a lot of your time into one thing, and when you look up around you, you realize that in the process of doing so, you've lost contact with almost anything else? Funny. It never felt so wrong, until you've realized how much you've lost.

A Jumble of Things

Finally, It's almost over... Just one more step. But now that my proverbial train is nearing its last stop, I'm still feeling uneasy. What awaits when I step down there? Ready or not, my time's almost done here. Finally it's time to accept my responsibilities.

But well, no use in complaining. As my friend once said, you won't get anywhere without trying. I guess it's already time I got up and start working.

Anyway, lately, I've been filling my spare time (which I have in loads) with a jumble of things. I've begun writing again after a month of hiatus (Hunters in the Dark is now running again), and reposting old works (Forsaken : Black Heaven is up again at everlucid.net). And even revisiting DnD. Feels strange that after several years not playing the game, now I'm DMing several times a week.

It's a fine experience, though. I enjoyed DMing as much as I love playing DnD. It's a pity that I haven't got much time left here.