Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Color Test

Well, this is another test from http://www.goldinuniverse.com. Why another test? Perhaps I'm just bored. Thankfully, next week is already vacation time. Need to relax and lay down a bit... Too much is going on lately.

By the way, this is the test result.

[blockquote]
Name: Fei
Date: 12/17/2008
Colorgenics Number: 12037645

You are the sort of person that needs a peaceful environment. You seek release from stress and freedom from conflicts and disagreements, of which you seem to have had more than your fair share. But you are taking pains to control the situation by proceeding cautiously and you are right in doing so as you are a very sensitive person.

You are experiencing considerable difficulty trying to achieve your goals. As a consequence of this you are becoming more and more irritable. Your friends and acquaintances are finding it increasingly more difficult to appease or to reason with you. You are the cause of your own problems. Don't be so impulsive. It is your vacillation that can lead to problems and uncertainties. Ease up a little.

There are times of everyone's life when 'compromise' is the name of the game and this is the time, so you have no alternative but to forgo some pleasures for the time being. You are capable of achieving satisfaction through physical activity.

Recent disappointment has led you to become truly introverted. You are becoming suspicious of everybody and consequently you now feel that you are unable to trust anybody. Unfortunately it would appear that you are curbing your natural enthusiasm and imaginative nature - perhaps this is because you are fearful that you may become over enthused and find that you could possibly be carried away by wishful thinking. You are keeping your distance to see whether attitudes towards you are sincere - but this watchfulness could easily develop into suspicion and distrust.

You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavours and actions may be misunderstood. Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front.

[/blockquote]

well, some of it IS true... quite a lot, I might say :))

Oh, and anyway, Fra (Hika's Cat) jsut gave birth to a triplet! XD I really need to stop over when I got to bandung next time.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Random Quiz

Taken from Ipeh's Blog.

http://world.doubutsu-uranai.com


Red Wolf person is cheerful, pure and amiable.
However, you don't like interference, and because you yourself don't depend on others, you give the impression of being gruff and abrupt.
You are born with luck, and will be recognized socially and economically.
You don't like to suck up to your boss.
You have a strong sense of justice, and even if you would be disadvantaged, you will act according to your principles.
You guard your responsibility precisely, and your cautiousness at work will get you trust of the others.
The weakness is you tend to get bored easily.
And being clumsy makes it difficult to become successful in the society, but if you meet a boss who would understand you, luck will come by.
You are good at producing original ideas, and are never out of new ideas and unique plans.
You have the power to put that into action as well.
You can carry out a race to be number one in areas that you are good at.
So, you are suited to become a specialist.
Even if you change jobs, you are able to accumulate knowledge, and will develop your own career.


So, I'm a Red Wolf, eh? Well, some of it fits, like all kinds of this fortune telling thingies if you think hard enough. But one thing that stands out is.. yes, I get bored easily. Really easy, in fact, such as now.

I'm supposed to be working. But hell, it's hard to concentrate when you're bored and really wants to do something different.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Elpis and Pandora

When Pandora's Box was made, it was filled with all the evils in the world. Then, why is hope inside it too? Is Hope one of the ancient evils in the box, or was it misplaced? What would've happened if it was unleashed?

The story of Pandora is usually interpreted that even with all the evils set loose upon the world, there is still hope left inside the box. It was usually thought as an encouraging that one shouldn't lose hope. But is it truly meant that way?

By trapping hope inside the box, doesn't it mean that it's not set free upon the world? Does it mean that, by the author's view, that the humans are hopeless? And back to the original question. Why is hope in that box at the first place?

An unimportant question, perhaps, but interesting nonetheless. Hope can be dangerous. It can be one of the evils. Because Hope is so very close with Delusion. Nietzsche once said that hope is the evil that prolongs human's suffering, and while I don't agree with him, but I can see his point.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Prejudice and Negativity

Some people just can't get past prejudices and personal grudges. Even if you don't like a person, if what s/he said is a fact, it's still a fact. It didn't just magically became a lie or an insult just because you don't like her/him. Or because s/he is of a different ideology than you. Or because s/he's thinks differently than you.

Well, I can't get past these too sometimes. It's kind hard to do sometimes, isn't it? Sometimes when you already have a negative mindset about something, everything related to it just becomes negative. Though sometimes, at least what I believe, there are lessons to be learned from anything. There are always more than one way to look at everything. That everything have it's good and bad side. For these lessons and good things to be lost just because of prejudice (and pride sometimes), is a little sad, perhaps.

On a related note, there is perhaps a relation between this negativity and assumptions. Some people just sometimes makes assumptions based on prejudiced feelings rather than facts. Imagining slights and insults where there's none. One stupid example was parodied in 'Harold and Kumar' where Kumar (The Indian Guy) is suspected as a terrorist just because he looks like an 'Arab'.

While the example above might be a little over the top, it sometimes happen in our daily lives. Parents who accused their 'naughty' children of being disobedient when they don't do their chores. When they really never told the child to do so. 'But they should know what that they're supposed to do it' one might say. Well, think again. Not everyone thinks the same way.

Others might take offense based on what someone said, saying that a person insulted him when the other guy actually meant it another way. Then started a brawl because of something that's actually a misunderstanding.

Husbands and wives, or maybe good friends, sometimes get into arguments just because of something really trivial. Something like an imagined slight, that comes in the wrong moment of negativity. Yet something simple can become a very large matter if viewed in a negative standpoint. Even worse if even when it's cleared, one still tries to find holes, just to justify their (illogical, perhaps) outburst.

As a possibility, perhaps this blog post will offend someone, thought that it pokes fun at their self/ethnic/country whatever. Well, it's not. it's just a personal rant from someone unimportant in the blogosphere. Just wanted to rant a bit, so you (and me too) can perhaps set aside prejudices and negative feelings aside for a moment and look at problems without subjective opinions.

Usually then, the solution can be found easily.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

What Major Arcana Card Am I?









You Scored as XIII: Death

Death is probably the most well known Tarot card - and also the most misunderstood. Most Tarot novices would consider Death to be a bad card, especially given its connection with the number thirteen. In fact this card rarely indicates literal death.Without "death" there can be no change, only eventual stagnation. The "death" of the child allows for the "birth" of the adult. This change is not always easy. The appearance of Death in a Tarot reading can indicate pain and short term loss, however it also represents hope for a new future.






Done this in spare time. But.. Death? I don't really like change, though I know they're necessary. Why Death, I wonder?

Monday, October 06, 2008

50 random things about me

Tagged by Ipeh :P

Zakuruchi...

1.) is a guy
2.) is 24 years old, and wishing to stay that way
3.) sometimes wished for time to just stand still
4.) missed this number the first time around
5.) is a good troubleshooter
6.) likes status quo, sometimes
7.) procrastinates all the time
8.) often tries to do too much at the same time
9.) writes stories, mostly fantasy
10.) is trying to bring back his writing mood from the closet
11.) cherishes those few close friends he have
12.) yet tends to hurt those closest to him
13.) loves his time in college. A lot
14.) is a die-hard Super Robot Wars fans
15.) often wastes his time on something unproductive
16.) is not too good around people
17.) missed Bandung a lot
18.) loves to play Magic the Gathering, especially Limited formats
19.) is very impulsive
20.) is sometimes confused about people
21.) tries to be a passive observer in most things
22.) hates being alone
23.) hates people that think they're always right
24.) hates self-centered people
25.) rarely got angry except to those closest to him.
26.) thinks that Socialism is sometimes better than Capitalism
27.) tries to keep in control
28.) may hurt people with verbal barbs unwittingly
29.) is single
30.) and have someone on sight
31.) likes his current job
32.) but wants to work in jakarta/bandung
33.) misses his friends a lot
34.) misses my half-sister
35.) really care about his half-sister, regardless of what she thinks
36.) misses his real sister too
37.) is an avid Dungeons and Dragons player
38.) sometimes get carried away when playing DnD
39.) is a Chaotic Neutral Elf Ranger/Bard
40.) cares about what other people think, despite outward appearances
41.) loves his family
42.) is annoyed about taxes and fees just to keep something you already own
43.) is worried about the future
44.) likes to eat good food
45.) is an erratic spender
46.) likes to listen to people
47.) is lazy
48.) wants to have more money
49.) is an underachiever
50.) is annoyed that nowadays appearance matters more than substance

fifty seems not enough.

EDITED : I found out I missed two numbers. Careless, am I?

Friday, September 26, 2008

Strange Things About Life

We make them cry, those who care for us
We cry for those who never care for us
And we care for those who will never cry for us

Strange words, but even more strange that it was true sometimes. At least for me sometimes they are.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Till Next Time

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
The sun shine warm upon your face
The rains fall soft upon your fields
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.

---

I think it's an old Celtics, or Irish blessing. Dunno where it came from, just suddenly popped up in my head.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Slow Down

Slow down, step back, breathe.

Well, that's what I told myself. These last few days, I've been rather too caught up in things, that I sometimes forgot to just step back and breathe. And when I do step back, well, what a mess I've made.

So, one. For my dear friend. I apologize. For everything. Especially if I'm forcing you to be something you aren't. Just be who you are, the one that I knew that just talked about whatever in her mind, even if it took quite some coaxing to do so. It's fine if your words hurt or whatever. At worst I'll just be upset for a while and then come back. I know I will.

And, two. I've just realized that my cousin is right. The tax rates here are just too much. Especially that inheritance tax. Like hell.. spending like 20 million just to hand over the ownership of a building from a dead man to his son? Geez... No wonder why people just love to avoid taxes.

Even those income taxes are exorbitant. With how much they're charging for people with huge incomes, no wonder the rich guys are moving their assets overseas. Well, considering that Singapore is charging like only 20% compared to our 35%, with better results (better public service and all), no wonder they're having lots of investment there.

Patience

Patience, patience, my friend. If everyone just butts their way, thinking they're the only ones who's in right (as people so often does, including you yourself), it'll never be over. Let it go. How hard can it be, anyway? You and your damn ego, Discordia... you and your damn ego.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Spikes and Barbs

One of the things I hate most, is when seeing someone that just can't hear what he doesn't want to hear. One who is always so set in his mind, that everything must conform to that ideal. One that always think he's right, and doesn't wish it to happen any other way. I hate self-righteous people like these. Yet lately i see more and more of them. One who just use faulty logic after faulty logic to support a disposition that is proven wrong many times, while using scathing remarks to ridicule people who are not of the same mind. People who condemn other people for just being different. One who thinks one's country is the best, and all the other countries in the world must follow suit.

Things like these. They just tick me off. But sometimes, I too fall into that kind of mindset. Funny, we sometimes just loathe being wrong. It comes naturally, I think.

Nah, enough of THAT rambling.

Now for another incoherent ramble...

You know.. some people just think they're the only ones that are capable to get hurt. Some people just sometimes came up with some barbs and spikes that hurt, but when people don't protest, they think it's just okay. Well, I learned to put those things aside after a while. I just don't like having a conflict because of simple remarks or thoughtless actions.

But I too have my limits. And how it's wearing thin these days. Hence this post.

Still, it was my mistake that brought me into this situation at the first place. Or well, yeah.. it's been there for a while. Those barbs, those scathing remarks, those thoughtless actions that I've forgotten. Some of them are not so forgotten and buried after all.

Ah well, patience is a virtue, they say. 'sides.. if all participants doesn't want to back down, it'll only get worse. Seen it before. Just hope my patience holds...

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Tired

I don't know, lately I just can't bring myself to really concentrate. Is it because of last project's excitement that burnt me up, or just I played too much DnD lately? I suspect it's the second. Lack of sleep does that, I think.

Well, partly that, and partly because of a little boredom, maybe. Project-based work doesn't seem to be too fitting with my style. I enjoyed getting new problems every day in technical support, tracing files to find the trouble, struggling with business logic and irrational requests.. better than the single-mindedness needed for projects. Blame my scatterbrain for that.

Yeah, and I really need to cut down on the DnD times, or at least buy a HSDPA modem. I've been going to the Net cafe too often lately. Guess that contributes to my near burning out. Wouldn't do to get sick now.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Belief

If you're angry, then just be angry. If you want to be quiet, just be quiet. If you want to cry, then cry. If you want to blame me, then blame me. I don't forbid you to do those things.

For who am I to tell you not to do those? I can only say my words, but the decision is yours. Those are your rights to do, not mine. Hell, I might not like it with some of the things you do, but it's your choice. It's your life. You're the one who chose what you believe, and what you do.

People only see what they want to see, true. That's fine with me. That's why we have free will. I did my job, and this time, I made a mistake doing it. Well, I should have known, but regret always comes too late, eh? I said I'm sorry for that, but if you don't want to forgive, if you think I don't care, fine. It's your choice.

Does it hurt? Yeah, if that's what you're aiming for. But well, whether you believe it or not, it's your choice, not mine.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Tagged By Ipeh Again

Title said it all. Well, It's quite some time since Ipeh tagged me, so here goes :D

You Can Only Type One Word:

Where is your cell phone?
-pocket

Boyfriend/girlfriend?
-none

Your hair?
-thinning

Your favorite thing?
-DnD

Your dream last night?
-Work

Your favorite drink?
-Milk

The room you're in?
-Office

Your last ex?
-Heh?

Your fear?
-Alone

Where were you last night?
-Bed

What you're doing right now?
-Tagged

Do you like muffins?
-Yup

Where did you grow up?
-Batavia

The last thing you did?
-Eating

What are you wearing?
-Clothes

Your TV?
-None

Your pet or pets?
-None

Your computer?
-fine

Your Life?
-usual

Your Mood?
-bad

Missing someone?
-yes

Your vehicle?
-none

Your work?
-ongoing

Like someone?
-sorta

Color?
-blue

When is the last time you laughed?
-yesterday

How many people do you trust?
-few

Person(s) you trust?
-few

Siblings or Elders?
-sister(s)

Best feature?
-laziness

Sport?
-walking

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Reminiscence

After browsing through YouTube videos of Super robot Wars : Original Generations Gaiden, I just realized how much I missed those old days. Those days where I just wander around aimlessly, having no care or responsibility. Just living life and enjoying it. Or to put it simply, I miss Bandung.

Bandung and Original Generations to be exact. Gosh, that Shinka Ialdabaoth made me wish I had a TV and PS2 in my room. Or at the very least, a properly working PCSX2. Folka Albark and his Ialdabaoth may come at the top of the list of my favorite mech with its over-the-top attack animations. Reminds me a lot of that beautiful DaiRaiOh and its Jinrai.

Reminds me of that final stage of Alpha 3, the best SRW I've ever played, and the most epic battle I've experienced in my lifetime of gaming. Not to mention it has the most impressive cast ever assembled. Mazinkaizer, Shin Getter, GaoGaiGar, Combattler and Voltes, SRX, Gunbuster, the entire generation of Macross casts, Gundams from 0078 to SEED... All in place for that one last big push to the end of the galaxy.

Perhaps the most memorable of that battle though, was the music. The song that was played by the Fire Bomber band from Macross 7 to reverse the tide, and raise the spirit when it seemed to fail.

It is GONG, by JAM Project.


GONG
JAM Project


Mune ni komi ageteku  Atsuku  Hageshii  Kono omoi
Bokura wa iku  Saigo no basho e
Te wo toriai  Chikai atte

Asu wo yoake mae ni  Ano sora e to tabitatsu no sa
Bokura ga koko ni ita koto dake  Douka  Oboete ite hoshii yo

Furi mukana  Namida wo miseruna
I GOT THE POWER OF LOVE
Asu wo tori modosunda

Ima koso  Tachiagare  Sadame no senshi yo
Inazuma no tsurugi de  Teki wo kechirase
Yasuragi wo yumemiru  Hagane no yuusha yo
Mamoru beki mirai to ai wo shinjite
Towa e! Towa e!

Moshimo  Chikara tsukite  Toushi no yaiba kudaketemo
Bokura wa nidoto modoranai  Tomo ni ginga no umi ni chirou

Osoreruna  Hokori wo suteruna
I GET THE POWER OF LOVE
Saa  Mayowazu  Yukunda!

Ooshiku  Mai odore  Sadame no senshi yo
Konjiki no tsubasa de  Ten ni habatake
Hikukoto wo shiranai  Hagane no yuusha yo
Moetagiru SOURU no meizuru mama ni
Towa e! Towa e!

Ima koso  Tachiagare  Sadame no senshi yo
Inazuma no tsurugi de  Teki wo kechirase
Yasuragi wo yumemiru  Hagane no yuusha yo
Mamoru beki mirai to ai wo shinjite
Towa e! Towa e!



Translation

With our hearts gradually filled up with hot and intense emotions, we are going to the last battleground, hand in hand, with a common oath.

Before the dawn sets in tomorrow, we will begin our journey to the skies, to that universe. Please, do not forget that we were once part of Earth. That's our only wish.

We turn around, only to conceal our tears. I get the power of love, to gain back our future, our tomorrow.

Warriors of fate, It's now time to stand up. Use the sword of lightning to scatter your enemies. Heroes of steel, they dream of peace and tranquility. Believe in the future and love that you must protect.

To eternity! To eternity!

If we use up all our energy and strength, and if our blade which signifies our fighting spirit breaks; Even then, we will not turn back, and we shall perish together in the vastness of the galaxy.

We are afraid, and we throw away our pride, but I get the power of love. So, even when we are lost, we shall go forward.

Warriors of fate, you shall dance bravely. Use your golden wings, and fly to the skies. Heroes of steel, they do not have the word "retreat" in their minds. Continue to command with your burning soul of rage.

To eternity! To eternity!

Warriors of fate, It's now time to stand up. Use the sword of lightning to scatter your enemies. Heroes of steel, they dream of peace and tranquility. Believe in the future and love that you must protect.

To eternity! To eternity!

Just a Little

Well yes, maybe I'm a little upset.
And a little bit tired, maybe.
And a little too much to think of.
A little bit of everything and something.

Well, enough with the rant, and let's go to the.. rant. It's just I never really liked leaving a job half-done. And while I sometimes come off as uncaring, I take certain pride in my works. I'm proud for what I did, and maybe just a tiny bit possessive about it. I know that person doesn't mean it like that, but I can't help but think...

Someone's taking over my job, claiming it as their own, and taking all that away.

I know it isn't true, but well.. couldn't help but think like it. Well, even if it's true, it's happens everyday around the world anyway.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Monday, July 21, 2008

Stuck

Of all the things in the world, one of the ones I hate the most is feeling helpless. Getting stuck, is a bit like that. Not knowing what to do next, and getting lost, is something I really, really hate.

Maybe it's pride? I don't know, but I just hate it.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Morning Rambling

Got not enough sleep last night, as a result, I woke up with a headache and head full of ramblings. Beware, incoherent rambling ahead. Read at your own risk.

---

Don't know what to do
Don't know what to find
Lost in the silence
Lost in the darkness

Does it really matter?
Does it ever matter?
Just a nameless waiting to be named
Ever the voiceless needing to be heard

Was it one needing to be heard?
Or just one in need to listen?
But what is the difference anyway
It still wouldn't matter

When questions fall on deaf ears
When silence is all one hears
What use is then for mouth and ears?
Might as well just go away

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Name Tag

Tagged by Ipeh to some online name generator. Oh, and by the way, sorry for the posting drought. I am busy these days. Really busy. My boss left for Freeport a few days ago, leaving us undermanned here.

On to the tags.

Elf Name : Rúmil Tinúviel

Tinuviel? Hm.. seems like I've heard that name before... d'oh...

Vampire Name : Sahib of Angels, also known as Thor of Moldavia

Rockstar Name : Izzy Dylan

Sounds like Ozzy to me. Anyway, finally...

Gothic Name : Blinding Skin

What the... it sounds like some disease name :P

Anyway, to my dear friend, I'm sorry for saying the wrong thing a few days ago. And sorry that I only make you upset most of the time. I'm still with you though :D.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Even I Have My Limit

Some people just never listen. Yep, some people just never listen, or perhaps they just don't bother to understand. I thought I said it clearly. I told them when to do it, and they said OK. I told them to call me if there's a problem, so I can help with it. And they don't. So I thought it's all okay.

And it's not. Someone just have to postpone EVERYTHING to the last moment. And he just have to say as if it's all okay when I asked. Well, no it's not okay. And part of it is my fault for not taking things in my own hand, knowing his tendency to just postpone things as always.

Angry? YES, I 'M ANGRY!



Time to prepare contingency plan. And time to face my responsibility, cause it's mine. I am the one that told everyone I'll take care of this. And I will. Don't worry about that.

I promised I'll do it. I'll get it done.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Tagged by Ipeh (Part 1)

Yep, tagged again. This time, I'll just post one of my answers. The others are for next time.

***

Instructions:
1. Choose up to five of your own characters.
2. Make them answer the following questions.

I chose:
1. Ferzavein Vaunshan (Ferz), my DnD Character from Eldomae Campaign.

What's your opinion on reading and writing?

Ferz : ...
Me : No, you're not getting away with "...". I'm not Tinu.
Ferz : Okay, I write. Sometimes.
Me : Really? I didn't know that.
Ferz : I'm still a bard you know.
Me : Yeah, that's why you're not in DnD 4th edition.

What's your opinion on maths, sciences, and language(s)?

Me : No three dot's.
Ferz : Okay. I am good at science. Well, alchemy, actually.
Me : ... I sometimes forgot you sell hair dyes for a living.
Ferz : Oh, it's not just you. I forgot that sometimes.

What is the best way to learn something?

Ferz : By practicing it over and over. With practice, your body and mind remembers it automatically.
Me : Oh, is that why you love hugging Tinu?
Ferz : ...
Me : Just kidding. Gee, you're not funny at all.
Ferz : Well, blame yourself. I'm your character after all.
Me : Point taken, porcupine.

To what degree do you avoid risks and danger?

Ferz : I avoid danger. And I don't like to take risks.
Me : Em... I think I saw Tinuviel on the way here. She was heading towards a dark elf city.
Ferz : *bolts away*
Me : Hey, you know.. I think half of that city is still after your head- Ah well, he's gone. So much for no risks, eh?

Under what circumstances would you risk your life for someone else?

Me : He's still not back yet. So I'll leave the answer to yourselves. But well, I'll give you a clue. The answer starts with a "T".

Under what circumstances do you think killing someone justified, in general?

Me : I don't really want to know the answer when he returns.
Ferz : *charging at writer* You tricked me!!! Die!!!
Me : Um.. does it answer your question? *runs*

*fast forward a bit after a harrowing life or death chasearound*

Me : Anyway, back to the topic. Under what circumstances?
Ferz : What's wrong with killing people?
Me : Um.. well..
Ferz : Kill before you get killed. It's simple as that, right?
Me : If you put it that way.

What is the worst feeling you experienced?

Ferz : Afraid of losing someone.
Me : Oh yeah, I remember that scene.
Ferz : Shut up.

And what is the best feeling?

Ferz : ...
Me : Not that again. Just answer, will you?
Ferz : Being with Tinuviel. That is enough.

* * *

Other characters will follow if I have time.

Coincidence, or...?

This is the second straight morning that I found myself awake in blind morning, trying to blink myself to sleep again, when my phone rings to tell me a bad news.

Doesn't help that my friend texted me the night before, that her grandma just passed away. What's with this weekend and passing away..?

Family or 'family', both of them are relatives. Both are people that helped form me as a person. And both are my father's siblings. So I pray for strength to be given to their families, and mine. And all who will miss them.

Goodbye.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

A Good Night Sleep

Last night I came back to my room just to take a bath, and then hit the bed. Without even turning on my laptop or anything. Just hit the bed. And when I woke up, it's already 1 AM. So I blinked, and go back to sleep.

Well, not right away... I remembered something that needs to be written, so I wrote some scrap notes on my phone, and then go to sleep, right till 7.40 AM. Man, I didn't even know I was that tired. But well, I guess I was. Maybe still is. Physically and mentally.

Doesn't really help that when I woke up there's some bad news on my handphone screen. I know it would happen. And the eerie calmness by which I accept the news is, well.. expected. Though other people will probably say I'm heartless. But I have said my goodbye long ago. And I say it again now. Goodbye.

Waking Up

We are living in a dream
In a world of illusions
A world of false pretense
Where nothing is ever real

I knew this for truth
Yet I don't want this to end
Because I still want to dream
Even if only for a little while

But every dream comes to an end
When the night shifts into day
And it is time for us to leave
And go our separate ways

Monday, June 23, 2008

Scribbling

We come to this world alone
And we'll leave it alone

If tomorrow one just disappear,
Will anyone notice?

The world will still keep going,
Not stopping for anyone

But will anyone notice?

It's not the question of how many,
Just the question of yes or no.

Because maybe one is enough.

---

Random scribblings after reading the last books of Fruits Basket

Friday, June 20, 2008

Relationship

Lately, more than one of my friends have insisted that I should start looking for a girlfriend. Perhaps in part to keep me out of my tendency of flirting with my female friends who are already in a relationship. Or maybe just to keep me out of their hairs sometimes :D

But well, there are some reasons why I don't really want to do it right now. Mainly, because most of the.. potential candidates are not in Bali. Which means I'll have to go Long Distance. And I don't really think I want to do that. Not after what happened last time. Besides that, there are.. other reasons. But well, enough of that.

Anyway, I had an interesting conversation with Lin this afternoon. We were talking about "What would you do if you're not afraid". Basically, if what we would have done differently if we don't think of the risks. Which, as she put it, we often stop ourselves from doing something because of the possible risks involved, regardless of whether the risk was real or imagined.

If there's no risk involved, what would I do differently? Maybe quite some things. But without risks, I think the world will be quite boring indeed. How about you? Something you'd like to do if there's nor risk involved?

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Running Away

It's been a while since I last posted. I've been busy with work and other things. And then, last week someone did something stupid. Suffice to say that a friend of mine decided to quit his job in a community that we're in. Which is fine by itself, since no one is forcing him to do it anyway. But it becomes not-so-fine when he left a whole truckload of mess behind. And people have to sort it out for him because he left no clues whatsoever about the current status of his job. It's just that. He just left. Or in other words.. ran away.

I don't know about other places but where I work, If you're going to quit you have to arrange a handover of your current jobs. The basic idea is that a person may come or go, it's their choice to do so. But the work must continue. The show must go on. So before you leave, you hand over your job to someone else, tell them of the status of your current job, the outstanding tasks that are still in progress, and the tasks that still need to be done to complete the job. What's so terribly hard about that? Except if you yourself never really knew the status of your current job, the tasks, and what to do after. Now that's a different story altogether.

Aside from the truckload of mess he left, he also left some questions about 'Why'. It doesn't really matter, though. The fact is, he just left. Without even trying to be responsible by briefing someone about the status of his current job.

This is just mere speculation, but I've been getting the feeling of 'being unneeded' creeping from him, so perhaps that's one reason. I know that feeling. And it's torturous, when you knew that the world is just going to stay its course, regardless of what you do. That even if you suddenly disappear, it wouldn't matter for anyone. I know that feeling. I still felt that way these days.

But it still doesn't give someone the justification to just leave all his responsibilities and leave them to someone else. Sure, you always have the right to run away. But for me personally, running away is never an answer. It has never solved anything for me, and it never will.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Bad for Your Health

I wonder, how do you guys handle the things that you know for sure it's bad for you, but at the same time, you can't seem to stay away from it. Let's say.. that very tasty chocolate that you can't stop eating even though you know it'll do wonders to your teeth, or the sack of potato chips just waiting to be eaten even though you know you're having a sore throat.

These kinds of things... How do you handle them? Do you usually surrender to the temptation.. or brace yourself and say no?

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

A Simple Psych Test

I was forwarded this test from a friend last week. While my answers are not exactly on target.. but I can see why the test is quite accurate for most people. Well, why don't you try? :D

---

DO NOT READ AHEAD.

IT TAKES ABOUT 3 MINUTES - WORTH A TRY

1st. Get PEN and PAPER

2nd. WHEN CHOOSING NAMES, MAKE SURE THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE THAT YOU ACTUALLY KNOW

3rd. GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCTS ! Very important for good results.

4th. SCROLL DOWN ONE LINE AT THE TIME
DON`T READ AHEAD otherwise
YOU WILL RUIN THE FUN.










1. On a blank sheet of paper, WRITE NUMBERS 1 through 11 in a COLUMN on the LEFT.












2. BESIDE the NUMBERS 1 & 2 ,

WRITE DOWN ANY
2 NUMBERS YOU WANT..

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE NUMBER?














3. BESIDE the NUMBERS 3 & 7 ,

WRITE DOWN THE NAMES OF TWO MEMBERS
OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER.











CAUTION: DO NOT LOOK AHEAD














4. WRITE ANYONES NAME

(like FRIENDS or FAMILY...)
next to 4, 5, & 6 .













DON`T CHEAT :D













5. WRITE down FOUR SONG TITLES in 8, 9, 10, & 11
















6. Finally,

MAKE A WISH

















ARE YOU READY?
HERE IS THE KEY TO THE GAME


1. THE NUMBER of PEOPLE YOU MUST TELL ABOUT THIS GAME is found in SPACE 2





2. THE PERSON IN SPACE No 3 IS THE ONE YOU LOVE






3. THE PERSON YOU LIKE but your relationship CANNOT WORK is in SPACE 7






4. YOU CARE MOST about the PERSON you put in SPACE 4







5. THE PERSON YOU NAME IN NUMBER 5 IS THE ONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL.







6. THE PERSON YOU NAMED IN 6 IS YOUR LUCKY STAR







7. THE SONG IN 8 IS THE SONG THAT MATCHES WITH THE PERSON IN NUMBER 3






8. THE TITLE IN 9 IS THE SONG FOR THE PERSON IN 7







9. THE 10 TH SPACE IS THE SONG THAT TELLS YOU MOST ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK PRESENTLY






10. AND 11 IS THE SONG ABOUT YOUR LIFE


----


There are several versions to this test, but for most, the two first numbers don't actually matter. It's more like a diversionary opening. Well, yes, I can understand why this is mostly matches most people. But unfortunately, not really true with mine. (Unless Oz somehow showed up with a good job offer when my current contract is over :D)

Tagged by Natsu

... title said it all. Cih.

RULES:

1. tag 10 people (not the one who sent it to you!)
2. answer all truthfully
3. take it in public!
4. tell all tagged on their profile that they have been tagged,
and link to your journal.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Info
[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[ ] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/I've had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercing.
[ ] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[x] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life
[ ] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[ ] My biological parents are together. (Was.)
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday
[ ] I've lost a child.

School/Work
[ ] I'm in school
[x] I have a job.
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[x] I almost always do my homework. (but not always at home)
[ ] I've missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year
[ ] I've stolen something from my job
[ ] I've been fired

Embarrassment
[x] I've slipped out an "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[ ] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[ ] I've glued my hand to something.
[ ] I've had my pants rip in public.

Health
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[x] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[ ] I've broken a bone
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[x] I've sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[ ] I've had chicken pox.
[ ] I've had measles

Traveling
[ ] I've driven over 200 miles in one day. (almost, but not quite.)
[x] I've been on a plane.
[ ] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.

Experiences
[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star. (not just 'a' )
[ ] I've wished on a shooting star
[x] I've seen a meteor shower.
[ ] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[ ] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[ ] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[x] I've played spin the bottle.
[x] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car. (not exactly 'crash..' more like bumped)
[ ] I've been Skiing.
[x] I've been in a play.
[ ] I've met someone in person from myspace.
[ ] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.

Relationships
[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumped more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[ ] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger

Honesty/Crime
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[x] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[x] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.

Drugs/Alcohol
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink. (not regularly.. well, almost weekly. Almost)
[ ] I've passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[ ] I've smoked weed
[ ] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I've eaten shrooms.
[ ] I've popped E.
[ ] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I've done hard drugs.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I've woken up crying.


Death and Suicide
[ ] I'm afraid of dying.
[ ] I hate funerals. (Only some of them.)
[x] I've seen someone dying
[ ] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[ ] I've planned my own suicide.
[ ] I've attempted suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I own something from The Gap.
[ ] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.

Random
[ ] I can sing well.
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[ ] I watch the news. (not regularly, at least.)
[ ] I don't kill bugs. (die you cockroaches! die!!)
[ ] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[x] I curse regularly.
[ ] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone. (Well, I paid for that damned ringback tone. Involuntarily)
[ ] I'm a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I love being neat.
[ ] I love Spam the opposite!
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
[ ] I bake well.
[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, red or blue.
[ ] I've worn pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[x] I know how to shoot a gun
[ ] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[ ] I'm good at remembering names.
[ ] I'm good at remembering dates.
[ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

[x] All of those are answered honestly


----

No, I don't tag anyone.. except those who want to.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Behind These Hazel Eyes

As I promised yesterday. I'll post the lyrics to Kelly Clarkson's "Behind These Hazel Eyes"


Behind These Hazel Eyes
Kelly Clarkson



Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes



That stupid test from yesterday said that this song described my life. Well, not really. I feel more connected with the song from yesterday, Silly-go-round. But still, this is a nice song.

And yeah, my tendency to keep my troubles to myself somewhat fits the song, if only barely :P Well, I would never allow someone I care about see me cry if they're the cause. It'll hurt them more than me :D

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Silly-go-round

It all started by a junk mail from my co-worker containing a questionnaire-psychotest, which is not entirely correct, but points out that The song that defines my feelings right now is "Silly-go-round" by Fiction Junction.

And I was something like "The hell, I didn't even know the actual meaning of those lyrics." But well, with spare time and all, I decided to scour the web for a translation. After rummaging through unintelligible translation and BabelFish output, finally I found something that was quite understandable.

Here goes.


Silly-go-round
Fiction Junction YUUKA


If I could call out to you
with the same strength as my heart does
then regardless of how many people hurt me
I’ll able to take the pain

When I realize I have but little further to go
The light of dawn breaks down
the walls in front of me

As we awaken from the dream, we keep on running
all by ourselves untill we can see the dream no more
Then when I look back in confusion, the gravity
created between us will one day
pull me back to you

As I let my loneliness flow in me
hiding lies within lies
no matter how many times I may be wrong
I know this is my “Last chance for love”

Though I grow tired of seeing twilight approach
I still cry everytime I see its beauty

Knowing the goals I planned for myself
I skip past the reset button
We’re both going in circles around the same place
Relying on my own strength, I know that our gravity
will one day bring me
back to you

You and me, we’ll be together

As we awaken from the dream
we can use the dream to connect to each other
I stretch out my hand towards the
place where nobody can see or judge us
My heart and body desire more love, and
so the gravity between us
will bring them to you

As I awaken from my dream
I will reach out with my hands...



The original lyric in japanese can be found on the web easily, but in case you are lazy... This is the link

About the song itself, does it match what I'm feeling? Some of it, yes. But I guess it's just the product of my mind doing a conformation process with an ideal. In simpler words, almost any intelligible song lyric would have made some sense if you put you r mind to it. Most lyrics are quite open to multiple interpretations anyway.

Okay, that was my logical side grumbling. But well, it's a nice song, and I really like it. The lyrics are good, too. And yes, even after my logical grumbling, I confess, some of it fits what I'm feeling right now.

As a bonus, the quiz also mentioned Kelly Clarkson's "Behind These Hazel Eyes" as a song that described my life. Maybe I'll post the lyrics tomorrow if I feel like it :D

Monday, May 26, 2008

Family and Home

For this last two days, I've been talking with a friend about family, and our definition of them. For one, we agreed that blood is not always thicker than water. That we felt closer to ones that we consider 'family' because of a sharing of emotion, and not just by a relation of blood.

Truth is, I am luckier than some of my friends. I have a great blood-family, at least my mum and sis are awesome. The rest of the huge family, they're... well, mostly okay. Mostly. But still, I'm considerably quite blessed.

While we're at the topic, today I thought of something weird. While chatting away with Ipeh about meat pies and non blood-related families, an image pops to my mind. Laugh if you want. It does sounds strange.

A kitchen with Ipeh and Natsu making meat pies and Ozzi stealing freshly baked pies, and Beben laughing away at the kitchen entrance. With Ipeh threatening Oz to make him into a meat pie if he continues his blatant act of thievery. (I imagine I am also laughing, or playing MTG with Beben if I'm on the scene :D )

Sure looks fun if that image can be a reality. It would be a nice home to live in.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Name Meaning

Found a strange thing on the blogthings website several months ago. Thought I'lll put it up now :P




What Felix Means



You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings.

You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun.

Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them.



You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.



You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.



You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.



You are incredibly sexy and sensual. You have a naughty vibe that no one can ignore.

You have an unquenchable desire. And you are unrestrained in your passions.

You have a tendency to be unfaithful. Whether you fight it or give in to it is up to you.



Oh, and I tag anyone that wants to do click the link :P

Except if your name is Ipeh, which in that case, meant that you are tagged. :D

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Long Time No See.. er.. Post

First of all, sorry for the long hiatus (if anyone is reading, that is). In case anyone's wondering, this four months, I've been working. And the place where I'm working blocks several sites, such as Google sign in and all, so I can't blog. And yes, I'm too lazy to write from an internet cafe.

What about now/ well, I recently transfered to another division, which needs extensive internet access, and thus, unrestricted access to all the web. Including Google sign in.

Well, this four months, a lot have happened, and I don't really know where to start. So for now..

Let's start with a tag :D

Tagged by Ipeh.

1- Rate tens character you like, at least two weeks ago until now!

==Male===
1. Lucifer (Sandman/Lucifer)
2. Jarlaxle Baenre (Forgotten Realms - RA Salvatore)
3. Maximillian Genius (Macross)
4. Afanti (The Book and Sword)
5. Jia Xu (Ravages of Time)
6. Sanger Zonvolt (Super Robot Taisen OGS)
7. Halciet (Own DnD Character. Narcissism rules! :D)
8. June Keitou (Forsaken : Black Heaven)
9. Yoh Asakura (Shaman King)
10. Frog (Chrono Trigger)

==Female==
1. Xiao Zhao (Heaven Sword, Dragon Sabre)
2. Yuki Nagato (Suzumiya Haruhi No Yuutsuu)
3. Death (Sandman)
4. Innovindil (Forgotten Realms - RA Salvatore)
5. Li Yuanzhi (The Book and Sword)
6. Sawachika Eri (School Rumble)
7. KOS-MOS (Xenosaga)
8. Sylvanas Windrunner (Warcraft III)
9. Ibis Douglas (SRW Alpha Series)
10. Mika-Eis (Emir's DnD Character)


2- Rate 10 of your favourite games (Anime if you’re not a gamer)!

1. Dungeons and Dragons (Pen & Paper)
2. Magic : The Gathering (Trading Card Game)
3. Super Robot Taisen Alpha 3 (PS2)
4. DoTA
5. Final Fantasy Tactics (PS)
6. Disgaea (PS)
7. Fallout 2
8. Lineage II
9. Super Robot Taisen OGS (PS2)
10. Xenosaga Ep. 3 (PS2)

3- Rate your favourite song!

1. After the Storm - Bill Brown (Lineage II OST)
2. Behind these Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson
3. Sakura Difference - Jyukai
4. Remember the Hill - Do as Infinity
5. Silly-go-round - Fiction Junction YUUKA
6. Forest Calling - Bill Brown (Lineage II OST)
7. I'm With You - Avril Lavigne
8. GONG - JAM Project
9. All You Wanted - Michelle Branch
10. Frog's Theme- Chrono Trigger

Saturday, January 05, 2008

My Daemon

Today, I took the Golden Compass Daemon Test given to me by a friend. Man, I haven't even watched the movie, but well, no hurt in trying. It seems like in their world, peoples' spirits live outside of their body, in animal forms called 'daemons'. This daemon is the manifestation of a person's personality and aspirations.

And guess what I end up with.



Oh well, feel free to fill in and see if that fox fits me or not. Nats, Peh, be my guest.