Getting Old

Well, today is my 22nd birthday. Rather than rejoicing, I got the sinking feeling that I am indeed getting older. It would be nice if I could just stay forever 21, but well, that's not how the world works. We all grew up someday, whether we want it or not. I somewhat understood how Peter Pan felt when he decided to stay in the Neverland. The world where he need not get old. But even Peter Pan grew older, not by age, but by personality. In the many versions of his story, he confronts Hook for the final time, showing a sense of adulthood in his responsibility on the fates of his friends. That flash of responsibility alone marks him as being more adult than his playful self.

Well, enough of that. It's already time to leave my Neverland. Speaking of the past, on this day, I recieved two very noticeable congratulations among those that I got today. One was from my first real crush. She wrote only two words, perhaps more out of necessity than true care, but it was enough for me. Perhaps she didn't want to leave a hole for me to get in, fearing that we'll both hurt each other again. Then again, perhaps there was really nothing left to say between us. Funny how love could change two best friends into almost total strangers. We only exchange greetings, perhaps out of necessity. Every conversation was guarded in fear of opening old wounds. Does it hurt? Excruciatingly yes, and even as time goes by, the wound never closes completely. But well, I've learned to accept it.

The other was in the form of spoken words, from another woman that I've had some past with. It's not the words that shocked me, but her teary eyes as she said that. She must've had some fight with her boyfriend before, but when I asked, she just shrugged it off as nothing. Typical of her. I mean, how could tehre be nothing when she was crying? For god's sake, she's a strong woman, though very emotional at times, how could there be nothing? The sight of her teary eyes almost broke my self-control. We're just friends now, and her boyfriend is my friend too. Yet I can't help but reminisce on what could have been. I guess I still care about her, a lot.

Me and my life... Well, perhaps this year would bring better luck. Who knows?

Random Scribblings

Appeared once, and then it's gone
Where there was, now there's none
Uninvited, unintended
Lost to the dark reality

Once I had, now I don't
A gift it was, I see not
Unwished for, unasked for
But never a bad thing

Was it ever real?
Illusion never was
Dreams never was
A fleeting blaze of hope

What is right?
What is wrong?
All lost in shades of grey
Gone like the breeze of spring

Dead, left by the life
Cold, forgotten by the sun
Lost my touch, lost my voice
Trapped in the middle of nowhere


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Just some random scribblings, nothing to get serious at...