Teacups and Scribbles

Mellow Melody

2009-12-04T02:42:00.000-08:00

Yeah, that song really describes how I felt now. Well, talking with her does that, I guess.

The dawn of melting snow is too dazzling.
Turning around, I see your smiling face.
The day we'll meet again
Is definitely not far off, right?

If sorrow could turn into stars someday,
Please grant me the wishes that have taken root in my heart,
So that their radiance might descend onto the Earth.

I hum a tune that protects dreams.
In the depths of this emotion of peace
Is a soft thread of love which leads to happiness.

The bedtime stories which tell of fondness
Are those I learned from you.
Let us softly return – to the memories from back then.

Randomness from Higurashi

2009-11-26T01:56:00.000-08:00

Please do not deplore yourself.
Even if the world does not forgive, I will forgive you.

Please do not deplore yourself.
Even if you do not forgive the world, I will forgive you.

So please tell me.
What will it take for you, to forgive me?

-Frederica Bernkastel

Fear

2009-11-19T07:41:00.000-08:00

"Death? I don't fear death. Try losing your purpose in life. Try losing your place to return to. Try loneliness. Try solitude. Those are what I fear."

The silver-haired elf looked away as he said those words. His dark-skinned face looking towards the sky. The sky under which he has no place to go. Where he has no home to return to. Where he came alone, and where he will die alone.

"Try losing what matters the most, and only realizing it after it's too late."

Ode

2009-07-15T01:29:00.000-07:00

We are the music makers,
And we are the dreamer of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers,
And sitting by desolate streams;

World-losers and world-forsakers,
On whom the pale moon gleams:
Yet we are the movers and shakers
Of the world for ever, it seems.

With wonderful deathless ditties,
We build up the world's great cities,
And out of a fabulous story
We fashion an empire's glory:

One man with a dream, at pleasure,
Shall go forth and conquer a crown;
And three with a new song's measure
Can trample an empire down.

We, in the ages lying
In the buried past of earth,
Built Nineveh with our sighing,
And Babel itself with our mirth;

And o'erthrew them with prophesying
To the old of the new world's worth;
For each age is a dream that is dying,
Or one that is coming to birth.

A breath of our inspiration,
Is the life of each generation.
A wondrous thing of our dreaming,
Unearthly, impossible seeming-

The soldier, the king, and the peasant
Are working together in one,
Till our dream shall become their present,
And their work in the world be done.

They had no vision amazing
Of the goodly house they are raising.
They had no divine foreshowing
Of the land to which they are going:

But on one man's soul it hath broke,
A light that doth not depart
And his look, or a word he hath spoken,
Wrought flame in another man's heart.

And therefore today is thrilling,
With a past day's late fulfilling.
And the multitudes are enlisted
In the faith that their fathers resisted,

And, scorning the dream of tomorrow,
Are bringing to pass, as they may,
In the world, for it's joy or it's sorrow,
The dream that was scorned yesterday.

But we, with our dreaming and singing,
Ceaseless and sorrowless we!
The glory about us clinging
Of the glorious futures we see,

Our souls with high music ringing;
O men! It must ever be
That we dwell, in our dreaming and singing,
A little apart from ye.

For we are afar with the dawning
And the suns that are not yet high,
And out of the infinite morning
Intrepid you hear us cry-

How, spite of your human scorning,
Once more God's future draws nigh,
And already goes forth the warning
That ye of the past must die.

Great hail! we cry to the corners
From the dazzling unknown shore;
Bring us hither your sun and your summers,
And renew our world as of yore;

You shall teach us your song's new numbers,
And things that we dreamt not before;
Yea, in spite of a dreamer who slumbers,
And a singer who sings no more.

-Arthur O'Shaughnessy

Don't Say Lazy

2009-06-16T00:28:00.000-07:00

Currently addicted to "Don't Say Lazy" from the anime K-On. Here's a bit loose translation of the lyrics which caught my eyes.

Please don't say "You are lazy"
Coz the truth is, I'm crazy
Even the tranquil swans
Kicks its feet (underwater) where you can't see

I'm just following my instinct,
and I'm aware of criticism
And the future looks bright anyway...
So sometimes, I can just take a break

With my own eyes, plotting the course
And marking my destination on the map
If there's a shortcut, then it's alright
If I've got wings that can let me skip things, it would be better

Oh no, I broke a nail; so I repaired it with glue
With just that, I feel kind of accomplished
What's important is loving yourself
If you don't love yourself, then no one else can love you

Alternate interpretation perhaps, but yeah, it's fine to take a break sometimes. Don't let the pressure from the surrounding get to you. You are who you are, Your way is your own. It's fine to love yourself for who you are.

4e Hybrid Classes

2009-06-08T03:11:00.000-07:00

Well, astute readers might know that I am an active DnD player. I've played DnD ever since college, since 3.5, and now to 4th. 4th edition brings a more 'balanced' version of DnD where everyone will likely feel they contribute to the party better. There are failsafes built to the system that will make even it hard for someone to be useless.

With this 'balance', though the game loses one of its defining features to me. That is the ability to customize your character, to whatever you want. I remember playing a Fighter/Ranger/Bard/Barbarian once, with each part of the convoluted classes painting a different slice of his life. The fighter is his early days spent learning how to fight, Bard for his streetwise and innate magic talent, Ranger is learned from surviving in the wilds, after escaping from his hometown, and Barbarian.. It's jsut there for Rage when his loved one got hurt.

4e balance limits the ability to paint such a picture and character concept. Well, at least that's my thoughts.

Enter the Hybrid Classes.

The Hybrid Classes is the ability to mold two of the 4e classes into a 'hybridized' version. It's introduced in Dragon 374, and is expanded in Dragon 375 as a playtest article. The real thing will be in PHB3, but I don't expect it to be much different from the playtest one.

A Hybrid Class will have features from the two, but not as powerful as a 'full class' with it. For example, the Hybrid Fighter/Cleric has the 'Healer's Lore' class feature, but his 'Healing Word' power is only available 1/encounter instead of the 2/encounter of the full cleric. What he misses from that, though, he makes up with the addition of the Fighter's Combat Challenge. He does miss the fighter weapon talent and cleric channel divinity.

These hybrid versions adds new dimensions to the character building in 4e. I personally liked the hybrid system a lot. I've found myself tinkering with the system to create concept builds in my spare time. I'll share some of them here later on.

Sure, this is not the full multiclass that is available in 3.5, but it's a step away from 'generic' characters. And boy, it's a good step to be had.

Now, for my promise. Here's an overview of the hybrid combinations that I found interesting. The rest will have to wait for when I got the time.

1. Barbarian / Sorcerer.
In the veins of 'witch-king' archetype of MTG Barbarians, this is actually quite a potent combination. The Barbarian is an amazing striker, with loads of nova damage and powerful rages. It does have a weakness, which is low AC if you didn't spare some Dex/Int point.

With the Sorcerer Hybrid giving the option for using STR as AC modifier, this build can shore up the barbarian's low AC, while giving it more versatility for Ranged attacks and AoE Damage. Use Hybrid Talent to pick up Barbarian Agility to raise your AC, and receive Hide armor proficiency to boot. Some barbarian powers also use CHA for rider effects, but unfortunately, most of them are tied to the Thaneborn Feral Might, so you might have to choose between it and Barbarian Agility.

The Arcane Implement Proficiency feat from Arcane power allows you to use Heavy Blade as sorcerer implements, so that is quite essential for this build. And a Fullblade-swinging Barbarian that can spit fire from the blade reminds me of Kamahl from MtG :P

2. Barbarian / Warden

Yes, Kamahl, Fist of Krosa. I'll elaborate later when I have time.

3. Invoker/Wizard.

Amazing selection of controller power. The Invoker encounters shores up the Wizard's Amazing Dailies.

4. Fighter/Warden

For those who found warden's Nature's Wrath mark lacking. Warden's Free action mark can trigger fighter's Combat Challenge, so it's basically a fighter with more defender-y encounter powers. Fighter encounters rather pales in status effect department when compared with warden's. Being able to stack Guardian Form Powers on top of Fighter Stances is a big bonus.

5. Fighter/Cleric

For those who wants to play a front-line leader that still can dish out damage. Might need to spend a feat to gain back the lost armor proficiency, but 1/encounter healing and STR-cleric's choice of powers really made it worth it. It helps that the awesome powers came in where the fighter lacks. Enc 1, Healing Strike / Wrathful Thunder and Daily 9, Divine Power, for example.

6. Swordmage / Wizard

For those who wants a mage-knight type that can dish it out in melee and ranged, and is not pleased with a swordmage. Good selection of powers. Swordmage Dailies are rather lacking, IMO. And Wizards have arguably the best dailies in 4e. Feat-intensive since it will need hybrid talent for swordamge warding and leather proficiency to operate as a defender. The amazing power selection makes it worth it, though. Oh, and need I remind you taht you have the very useful Cantrips?

7. Paladin / Sorcerer

For those who miss the spellblade. You want a plate-armor wearing knight that slings spells of destruction to your opponent? This is your man. With hybrid talent, you can retain paladin's armor proficiency, which enables you to field a full-plate-armored, sword-wielding, shielded spellslinger.

8. Paladin / Ranger

For good old dual-wielding in full plates.

Journey to the West (Part 2)

2009-04-22T01:20:00.000-07:00

First of all, I did say I was going to put the day 2 review soon, right? Well, sorry for the lateness. I was absolutely busy this month. And spending 2 weeks in Sulawesi with poor internet connectivity (Mostly due to Indosat M2 having poor signal in where I work) doesn't help. But now, I got time, and here's what happened on day two.

Day two, our plan is to go to the Sempu Island. It's a wildlife preservation area in in the south of Java, around 2 hours ride from Malang.

The Island from Across the Strait.

The target of the journey is not the island itself, but the lagoon located in the middle of the island. It's said to be absolutely amazing. Well, we'll find out soon enough. But the walk wasn't easy.

The Road

Well, the road, as can be seen here (not too clearly though), is muddy due to the morning rain. It's so muddy that we took off our sandals so we can have better grip. I should've worn my shoes, but well... It's not too bad really. It took us more than 3 hours to traverse the forest. Shouldn't been that long, according to our guide, but the slippery road makes our journey longer than usual.

Between the Leaves

Blue Water Blue Sky

It took us 3 hours, but when the sunlight broke through the trees and we saw the lagoon... Boy, It's really beautiful. It's not too large, roughly circular, and surrounded by trees and cliffs, giving the place a peaceful aura.

The Lagoon.

Too bad we didn't take many pictures there. I have some better ones, maybe I'll put them up. But I'll just tell you that the pictures don't do this place justice. The smooth white sand, the clear water, and the trees surrounding it, gives it a feel that you should feel in person.

Some people thought so too, apparently, for there are like four other groups other than us there. Mostly they are camping, spending the night there to come back the next day, or even the day after. Some of them are foreigners, too. Quite a good info they got.

After the Walk

Well, that's us. Looks quite tired, eh? Well, it's because it IS tiring. The walk itself is not that bad. I've walked farther and longer than that (roughly 3 kilometers walk). It's the mud and slippery slopes that saps our strength. Well, actually, I'm quite fine after a little rest... If only we had brought flashlights.

You see.. We estimated that we could reach the place in one hour and a half, which would leave us around two hours to play around in the place, and then come back out before dark. The slippery trail ruined all that. When we got there, it's already late afternoon. We only got less than half an hour to rest, take pictures, and head back out before dark. And we got no flashlights.

Traversing the slippery slope once again is not that hard, but when the sun goes down, things aren't that easy. When the sun went down, we had to rely on moonlight and sometimes, a lighter to see the way. And well... I'm blind as a bat when the sun is down. Only, bats have ultrasonic waves.

Well, thanks to our guide and my friends, especially Flo (thanks a bunch, flowie :D) , I did manage to go the whole way. Around 2/3 way there, we managed to contact our pickup boat to send some people with flashlights to guide us back. After they arrived, it's much easier. Doesn't stop us from collapsing on the beach due to tiredness, though.

Suffice to say that we slept VERY soundly that night.

Lessons learned :
One, bring flashlights when you're traversing a forest.

Two, If you're going to Sempu, do leave early in the morning, like 4 AM, or bring atent to spend the night. The place is just too beautiful, and the walk too long for you to enjoy to your satisfaction otherwise.

Journey to the West (Part 1)

2009-03-21T00:01:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I wrote on this blog. I've been absolutely busy these last two months. Jobs coming and going, Projects after projects mixed with lots of issues in the regional support. And time flies when you're busy.

Anyway, Two weeks ago, I went with some friends in a trip to Mount Bromo, and then to Sempu Island. It's always nice to be away from the daily routine for a bit. And it's really fun. Here's some recap. Click on the pictures to see the bigger ones.

Day 1. I meet up with my friends in Juanda Airport, Surabaya. We left straight for Mt. Bromo, staying in Cemoro Lawang for around two hours, taking a catnap before leaving to catch the sunrise. It's really cold, at around 4 AM, but this sunrise is worth it.

Yep, that's the sunrise. A beauty, eh? That's why the place is so popular, I guess. After the sunrise, we went up to the Bromo Crater.

The Temple in the middle of the sand.

Before climbing the stairs to the crater. 250 steps. Quite a climb :P

The guys and girls in the photo, from left to right are :
Front : Flo, Me, Edo
Back : Silvi, Milli

The last one, Johnny is the one taking our picture.

Aqua. Purity for the Future.

Well, sponsor's message aside, that's Johnny with me. That makes all six of us.

The Bromo Crater.

After the crater of the volcano, we went through a desert and past savannah, following a white brick road, in a journey to find a mystical lake, where the mist dragon king lives... Or not.

Anyway, the desert is actually a sand-covered plateau, which is very cool and windy, the savannah is.. well.. a grassy field in a valley with amazing view of the hills and the blue sky that sends Flo to a photo-frenzy. Granted, that valley is awesome, though. And after that, the mystic lake is.. just a lake. But when we get there, the mist is so thick that it seems mystical.

The Desert.

Follow the white brick road.

Flying over the Savannah.

Jumping, actually :P Boy, it's fun.

Hide and Seek.

The Lake in the Fog.

See? I told you it's foggy. It felt even more mystical when you're at the place. The fog's so thick you can't even see what's in the middle of the lake. Not to mention the other side.

Anyway, That's it for today. I'll continue with the tales of our Journey later. Stay tuned :P

Rambling

2009-02-08T12:34:00.000-08:00

Woke up in the middle of silence
Grasping in the middle of darkness
Reaching out for a hand
Calling for a name

Any name, anyone, wherever
As long as there's another
In this world of emptiness
Someone to break the silence

Here I stood on the edge of the dreaming
Waiting for the one who isn't coming
One to fill the void gnawing within
One to call when the darkness is crawling

A hand to guide me through the dark
A voice to lead me through the silence
A face in the world full of strangers
A soul in the world full of loners

Right to Defend

2009-01-05T02:03:00.000-08:00

I would like to start this post with a hypothetical question.

If you're living peacefully in a house with your family, and a rowdy neighbor starts throwing dangerous things like empty bottles and rusted nails to your lawn, what would you do? Provided that there's no police (or the one around is not reliable).

Talk to him, probably. But then, if he doesn't listen? He just told you aggressively to leave, or just suffer the consequences. Then what if you don't have anywhere else to go? And no one else is around, so you'd have to stand for yourself. How long will it be until you bring the fight to him?

On a wider perspective, let's hypothetically say, that a neighboring country starts bombing your country, shooting rockets at your lawn, forcing your children to stay at home for fear of being hit by shrapnel. When told to stop, they recite rhetorics saying that you and your fellow countrymen should just die, for a rather obscure reason. How long will it be till your country decides to strike back to protect its people?

Yes, news-aware readers will know which countries I'm talking about. It's all over the news. Most news stations and newspapers and other news sources are putting the Israeli offensive on Gaza Strip as their headliners. And most of those I found (locally, at least) condemns the attack, emphasized the heavy casualties, and some outright condemns Israel for the 'inhuman' and 'unreasonable' offensive.

While I agree that the force used is excessive, I can somewhat understand the reasoning behind the offensive. Just look at the first three paragraphs for an illustration of my point of view. It's not exactly unreasonable to me when seen from that light. It was, after all, the Hamas that broke the cease-fire and rained rockets down on Israeli cities beforethe offensive. Isn't it within one country's right to defend its people? Yet most of the reactions and pieces I've seen around seemingly ignores this.

It's likely a major factor that most of the local publications I found (I live in Indonesia) are somewhat one-sided. They cite the effects of the offensive on the Palestine citizens of Gaza strip, showing pictures of the dying, the wounded, and the destroyed buildings. Almost none were made about the Hamas rocket attacks on November that damaged buildings in Israeli cities. Is it because there are few casualties and only damaged buildings, or was it selective publication? It's like dozens of rockets a day raining down on Israeli territory according to The Herald Tribune and BBC. One even exploded in the middle of a kindergarten. Luckily, the school activity's been suspended because of rocket attacks. Imagine if it wasn't so. Would that made the news?

It's not like I'm pro-Israel or something. I'm just curious about why people tend to forget that it was Hamas that started the conflict. It was them that provoked the attack. Truth be told, it was them who used Palestine civilians as human shields by launching rockets from densely populated areas. How would the Israel be able to respond without civilian casualties? And yet, now they're crying about how the Israelis are the only ones to blame. All while being the ones who brought this upon themselves and the civilians. The cynic side of me even said that this was what they're after all along. Civilian casualties within the Palestine population meant that they can cry to the World, especially Muslim nations that the Israelis are conducting a massacre. Never mind the fact that the Hamas is also shooting rockets into civilian populated areas.

Some of the responses from around the world, and even some from my own country made me feel sick too. They call for the Israelis to stop fighting unconditionally, while never mentioning any conditions for the Hamas. So it's wrong to shed Palestinian blood, but it's okay to shed Jewish blood? What's the difference between both of them? Blood's still blood. People's still people no matter their beliefs.

Well, that's a long rant. And now, to try to find solutions.

To stop this bloodletting, both sides must stop violence. Easier said than done, but it's the ultimate condition. A strong deterrent, either military or economically, must be able to force the two to stop fighting. This can be done with US help, which might be a good place for Mr. Obama to make a good show in front of the Muslim world.

If Mr. Obama can force the Israel to stop the offensive, while the UN can deploy an international peacekeeping force empowered to intervene and stop any hostile activity from the Hamas, it might do. It's a gamble, but if Mr. Obama can pull that off, it'll boost his credibility in the eye of the Muslim World, and it'll aid any subsequent mediating effort from his side. Then they can talk.

Which, for that to happen, the Hamas should at least hold back on their goals on eradicating Israel. And Israel should stop seeing Hamas as a terrorist entity. Both sides should acknowledge each other (Which is the whole point. The Arab Nations must acknowledge Israel as a nation. It's the only way to have peace there). It would be much easier if the Hamas can reconcile with Palestine Authority, and talk as a united Palestine, as a country, to negotiate with Israel. Then divide the land between the two. Palestine and Israel. And place the Jerusalem area under an international jurisdiction.

About the peacekeeping force, an interesting idea is mentioned by Tom Clancy in his novel 'The Sum of All Fears' about putting the Jerusalem area under the authority of the Vatican and the Swiss Guard. Well, now that wouldn't really be feasible, but a Turkish contingent might do the trick, seeing that they're a reputed secular country with Islamic majority.

It's just my opinion, though. Politicians, historians, statesman, great people all, have tried to solve this conflict for years, and none succeeded. I just hope that the conflict will end as swiftly as possible. By any means necessary. For the good of people living there, Jewish or Muslims alike.

Color Test

2008-12-17T01:48:00.000-08:00

Well, this is another test from http://www.goldinuniverse.com. Why another test? Perhaps I'm just bored. Thankfully, next week is already vacation time. Need to relax and lay down a bit... Too much is going on lately.

By the way, this is the test result.

[blockquote]
Name: Fei
Date: 12/17/2008
Colorgenics Number: 12037645

You are the sort of person that needs a peaceful environment. You seek release from stress and freedom from conflicts and disagreements, of which you seem to have had more than your fair share. But you are taking pains to control the situation by proceeding cautiously and you are right in doing so as you are a very sensitive person.

You are experiencing considerable difficulty trying to achieve your goals. As a consequence of this you are becoming more and more irritable. Your friends and acquaintances are finding it increasingly more difficult to appease or to reason with you. You are the cause of your own problems. Don't be so impulsive. It is your vacillation that can lead to problems and uncertainties. Ease up a little.

There are times of everyone's life when 'compromise' is the name of the game and this is the time, so you have no alternative but to forgo some pleasures for the time being. You are capable of achieving satisfaction through physical activity.

Recent disappointment has led you to become truly introverted. You are becoming suspicious of everybody and consequently you now feel that you are unable to trust anybody. Unfortunately it would appear that you are curbing your natural enthusiasm and imaginative nature - perhaps this is because you are fearful that you may become over enthused and find that you could possibly be carried away by wishful thinking. You are keeping your distance to see whether attitudes towards you are sincere - but this watchfulness could easily develop into suspicion and distrust.

You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavours and actions may be misunderstood. Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front.

[/blockquote]

well, some of it IS true... quite a lot, I might say :))

Oh, and anyway, Fra (Hika's Cat) jsut gave birth to a triplet! XD I really need to stop over when I got to bandung next time.

Random Quiz

2008-11-23T21:01:00.000-08:00

Taken from Ipeh's Blog.

http://world.doubutsu-uranai.com

Red Wolf person is cheerful, pure and amiable.
However, you don't like interference, and because you yourself don't depend on others, you give the impression of being gruff and abrupt.
You are born with luck, and will be recognized socially and economically.
You don't like to suck up to your boss.
You have a strong sense of justice, and even if you would be disadvantaged, you will act according to your principles.
You guard your responsibility precisely, and your cautiousness at work will get you trust of the others.
The weakness is you tend to get bored easily.
And being clumsy makes it difficult to become successful in the society, but if you meet a boss who would understand you, luck will come by.
You are good at producing original ideas, and are never out of new ideas and unique plans.
You have the power to put that into action as well.
You can carry out a race to be number one in areas that you are good at.
So, you are suited to become a specialist.
Even if you change jobs, you are able to accumulate knowledge, and will develop your own career.

So, I'm a Red Wolf, eh? Well, some of it fits, like all kinds of this fortune telling thingies if you think hard enough. But one thing that stands out is.. yes, I get bored easily. Really easy, in fact, such as now.

I'm supposed to be working. But hell, it's hard to concentrate when you're bored and really wants to do something different.

Elpis and Pandora

2008-11-09T19:38:00.000-08:00

When Pandora's Box was made, it was filled with all the evils in the world. Then, why is hope inside it too? Is Hope one of the ancient evils in the box, or was it misplaced? What would've happened if it was unleashed?

The story of Pandora is usually interpreted that even with all the evils set loose upon the world, there is still hope left inside the box. It was usually thought as an encouraging that one shouldn't lose hope. But is it truly meant that way?

By trapping hope inside the box, doesn't it mean that it's not set free upon the world? Does it mean that, by the author's view, that the humans are hopeless? And back to the original question. Why is hope in that box at the first place?

An unimportant question, perhaps, but interesting nonetheless. Hope can be dangerous. It can be one of the evils. Because Hope is so very close with Delusion. Nietzsche once said that hope is the evil that prolongs human's suffering, and while I don't agree with him, but I can see his point.

Prejudice and Negativity

2008-10-29T23:35:00.000-07:00

Some people just can't get past prejudices and personal grudges. Even if you don't like a person, if what s/he said is a fact, it's still a fact. It didn't just magically became a lie or an insult just because you don't like her/him. Or because s/he is of a different ideology than you. Or because s/he's thinks differently than you.

Well, I can't get past these too sometimes. It's kind hard to do sometimes, isn't it? Sometimes when you already have a negative mindset about something, everything related to it just becomes negative. Though sometimes, at least what I believe, there are lessons to be learned from anything. There are always more than one way to look at everything. That everything have it's good and bad side. For these lessons and good things to be lost just because of prejudice (and pride sometimes), is a little sad, perhaps.

On a related note, there is perhaps a relation between this negativity and assumptions. Some people just sometimes makes assumptions based on prejudiced feelings rather than facts. Imagining slights and insults where there's none. One stupid example was parodied in 'Harold and Kumar' where Kumar (The Indian Guy) is suspected as a terrorist just because he looks like an 'Arab'.

While the example above might be a little over the top, it sometimes happen in our daily lives. Parents who accused their 'naughty' children of being disobedient when they don't do their chores. When they really never told the child to do so. 'But they should know what that they're supposed to do it' one might say. Well, think again. Not everyone thinks the same way.

Others might take offense based on what someone said, saying that a person insulted him when the other guy actually meant it another way. Then started a brawl because of something that's actually a misunderstanding.

Husbands and wives, or maybe good friends, sometimes get into arguments just because of something really trivial. Something like an imagined slight, that comes in the wrong moment of negativity. Yet something simple can become a very large matter if viewed in a negative standpoint. Even worse if even when it's cleared, one still tries to find holes, just to justify their (illogical, perhaps) outburst.

As a possibility, perhaps this blog post will offend someone, thought that it pokes fun at their self/ethnic/country whatever. Well, it's not. it's just a personal rant from someone unimportant in the blogosphere. Just wanted to rant a bit, so you (and me too) can perhaps set aside prejudices and negative feelings aside for a moment and look at problems without subjective opinions.

Usually then, the solution can be found easily.

What Major Arcana Card Am I?

2008-10-18T11:17:00.000-07:00

You Scored as XIII: Death

Death is probably the most well known Tarot card - and also the most misunderstood. Most Tarot novices would consider Death to be a bad card, especially given its connection with the number thirteen. In fact this card rarely indicates literal death.Without "death" there can be no change, only eventual stagnation. The "death" of the child allows for the "birth" of the adult. This change is not always easy. The appearance of Death in a Tarot reading can indicate pain and short term loss, however it also represents hope for a new future.

Done this in spare time. But.. Death? I don't really like change, though I know they're necessary. Why Death, I wonder?

50 random things about me

2008-10-06T09:04:00.000-07:00

Tagged by Ipeh :P

Zakuruchi...

1.) is a guy
2.) is 24 years old, and wishing to stay that way
3.) sometimes wished for time to just stand still
4.) missed this number the first time around
5.) is a good troubleshooter
6.) likes status quo, sometimes
7.) procrastinates all the time
8.) often tries to do too much at the same time
9.) writes stories, mostly fantasy
10.) is trying to bring back his writing mood from the closet
11.) cherishes those few close friends he have
12.) yet tends to hurt those closest to him
13.) loves his time in college. A lot
14.) is a die-hard Super Robot Wars fans
15.) often wastes his time on something unproductive
16.) is not too good around people
17.) missed Bandung a lot
18.) loves to play Magic the Gathering, especially Limited formats
19.) is very impulsive
20.) is sometimes confused about people
21.) tries to be a passive observer in most things
22.) hates being alone
23.) hates people that think they're always right
24.) hates self-centered people
25.) rarely got angry except to those closest to him.
26.) thinks that Socialism is sometimes better than Capitalism
27.) tries to keep in control
28.) may hurt people with verbal barbs unwittingly
29.) is single
30.) and have someone on sight
31.) likes his current job
32.) but wants to work in jakarta/bandung
33.) misses his friends a lot
34.) misses my half-sister
35.) really care about his half-sister, regardless of what she thinks
36.) misses his real sister too
37.) is an avid Dungeons and Dragons player
38.) sometimes get carried away when playing DnD
39.) is a Chaotic Neutral Elf Ranger/Bard
40.) cares about what other people think, despite outward appearances
41.) loves his family
42.) is annoyed about taxes and fees just to keep something you already own
43.) is worried about the future
44.) likes to eat good food
45.) is an erratic spender
46.) likes to listen to people
47.) is lazy
48.) wants to have more money
49.) is an underachiever
50.) is annoyed that nowadays appearance matters more than substance

fifty seems not enough.

EDITED : I found out I missed two numbers. Careless, am I?

Strange Things About Life

2008-09-26T01:32:00.000-07:00

We make them cry, those who care for us
We cry for those who never care for us
And we care for those who will never cry for us

Strange words, but even more strange that it was true sometimes. At least for me sometimes they are.

Till Next Time

2008-09-16T01:53:00.000-07:00

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
The sun shine warm upon your face
The rains fall soft upon your fields
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.

---

I think it's an old Celtics, or Irish blessing. Dunno where it came from, just suddenly popped up in my head.

Slow Down

2008-09-13T20:02:00.000-07:00

Slow down, step back, breathe.

Well, that's what I told myself. These last few days, I've been rather too caught up in things, that I sometimes forgot to just step back and breathe. And when I do step back, well, what a mess I've made.

So, one. For my dear friend. I apologize. For everything. Especially if I'm forcing you to be something you aren't. Just be who you are, the one that I knew that just talked about whatever in her mind, even if it took quite some coaxing to do so. It's fine if your words hurt or whatever. At worst I'll just be upset for a while and then come back. I know I will.

And, two. I've just realized that my cousin is right. The tax rates here are just too much. Especially that inheritance tax. Like hell.. spending like 20 million just to hand over the ownership of a building from a dead man to his son? Geez... No wonder why people just love to avoid taxes.

Even those income taxes are exorbitant. With how much they're charging for people with huge incomes, no wonder the rich guys are moving their assets overseas. Well, considering that Singapore is charging like only 20% compared to our 35%, with better results (better public service and all), no wonder they're having lots of investment there.

Patience

2008-09-13T01:26:00.000-07:00

Patience, patience, my friend. If everyone just butts their way, thinking they're the only ones who's in right (as people so often does, including you yourself), it'll never be over. Let it go. How hard can it be, anyway? You and your damn ego, Discordia... you and your damn ego.

Spikes and Barbs

2008-09-10T17:50:00.000-07:00

One of the things I hate most, is when seeing someone that just can't hear what he doesn't want to hear. One who is always so set in his mind, that everything must conform to that ideal. One that always think he's right, and doesn't wish it to happen any other way. I hate self-righteous people like these. Yet lately i see more and more of them. One who just use faulty logic after faulty logic to support a disposition that is proven wrong many times, while using scathing remarks to ridicule people who are not of the same mind. People who condemn other people for just being different. One who thinks one's country is the best, and all the other countries in the world must follow suit.

Things like these. They just tick me off. But sometimes, I too fall into that kind of mindset. Funny, we sometimes just loathe being wrong. It comes naturally, I think.

Nah, enough of THAT rambling.

Now for another incoherent ramble...

You know.. some people just think they're the only ones that are capable to get hurt. Some people just sometimes came up with some barbs and spikes that hurt, but when people don't protest, they think it's just okay. Well, I learned to put those things aside after a while. I just don't like having a conflict because of simple remarks or thoughtless actions.

But I too have my limits. And how it's wearing thin these days. Hence this post.

Still, it was my mistake that brought me into this situation at the first place. Or well, yeah.. it's been there for a while. Those barbs, those scathing remarks, those thoughtless actions that I've forgotten. Some of them are not so forgotten and buried after all.

Ah well, patience is a virtue, they say. 'sides.. if all participants doesn't want to back down, it'll only get worse. Seen it before. Just hope my patience holds...

Tired

2008-09-06T05:50:00.000-07:00

I don't know, lately I just can't bring myself to really concentrate. Is it because of last project's excitement that burnt me up, or just I played too much DnD lately? I suspect it's the second. Lack of sleep does that, I think.

Well, partly that, and partly because of a little boredom, maybe. Project-based work doesn't seem to be too fitting with my style. I enjoyed getting new problems every day in technical support, tracing files to find the trouble, struggling with business logic and irrational requests.. better than the single-mindedness needed for projects. Blame my scatterbrain for that.

Yeah, and I really need to cut down on the DnD times, or at least buy a HSDPA modem. I've been going to the Net cafe too often lately. Guess that contributes to my near burning out. Wouldn't do to get sick now.

Belief

2008-08-31T20:47:00.000-07:00

If you're angry, then just be angry. If you want to be quiet, just be quiet. If you want to cry, then cry. If you want to blame me, then blame me. I don't forbid you to do those things.

For who am I to tell you not to do those? I can only say my words, but the decision is yours. Those are your rights to do, not mine. Hell, I might not like it with some of the things you do, but it's your choice. It's your life. You're the one who chose what you believe, and what you do.

People only see what they want to see, true. That's fine with me. That's why we have free will. I did my job, and this time, I made a mistake doing it. Well, I should have known, but regret always comes too late, eh? I said I'm sorry for that, but if you don't want to forgive, if you think I don't care, fine. It's your choice.

Does it hurt? Yeah, if that's what you're aiming for. But well, whether you believe it or not, it's your choice, not mine.

Tagged By Ipeh Again

2008-08-24T21:52:00.000-07:00

Title said it all. Well, It's quite some time since Ipeh tagged me, so here goes :D

You Can Only Type One Word:

Where is your cell phone?
-pocket

Boyfriend/girlfriend?
-none

Your hair?
-thinning

Your favorite thing?
-DnD

Your dream last night?
-Work

Your favorite drink?
-Milk

The room you're in?
-Office

Your last ex?
-Heh?

Your fear?
-Alone

Where were you last night?
-Bed

What you're doing right now?
-Tagged

Do you like muffins?
-Yup

Where did you grow up?
-Batavia

The last thing you did?
-Eating

What are you wearing?
-Clothes

Your TV?
-None

Your pet or pets?
-None

Your computer?
-fine

Your Life?
-usual

Your Mood?
-bad

Missing someone?
-yes

Your vehicle?
-none

Your work?
-ongoing

Like someone?
-sorta

Color?
-blue

When is the last time you laughed?
-yesterday

How many people do you trust?
-few

Person(s) you trust?
-few

Siblings or Elders?
-sister(s)

Best feature?
-laziness

Sport?
-walking

Reminiscence

2008-08-21T21:57:00.000-07:00

After browsing through YouTube videos of Super robot Wars : Original Generations Gaiden, I just realized how much I missed those old days. Those days where I just wander around aimlessly, having no care or responsibility. Just living life and enjoying it. Or to put it simply, I miss Bandung.

Bandung and Original Generations to be exact. Gosh, that Shinka Ialdabaoth made me wish I had a TV and PS2 in my room. Or at the very least, a properly working PCSX2. Folka Albark and his Ialdabaoth may come at the top of the list of my favorite mech with its over-the-top attack animations. Reminds me a lot of that beautiful DaiRaiOh and its Jinrai.

Reminds me of that final stage of Alpha 3, the best SRW I've ever played, and the most epic battle I've experienced in my lifetime of gaming. Not to mention it has the most impressive cast ever assembled. Mazinkaizer, Shin Getter, GaoGaiGar, Combattler and Voltes, SRX, Gunbuster, the entire generation of Macross casts, Gundams from 0078 to SEED... All in place for that one last big push to the end of the galaxy.

Perhaps the most memorable of that battle though, was the music. The song that was played by the Fire Bomber band from Macross 7 to reverse the tide, and raise the spirit when it seemed to fail.

It is GONG, by JAM Project.

GONG
JAM Project

Mune ni komi ageteku　　Atsuku　　Hageshii　　Kono omoi
Bokura wa iku　　Saigo no basho e
Te wo toriai　　Chikai atte

Asu wo yoake mae ni　　Ano sora e to tabitatsu no sa
Bokura ga koko ni ita koto dake　　Douka　　Oboete ite hoshii yo

Furi mukana　　Namida wo miseruna
I GOT THE POWER OF LOVE
Asu wo tori modosunda

Ima koso　　Tachiagare　　Sadame no senshi yo
Inazuma no tsurugi de　　Teki wo kechirase
Yasuragi wo yumemiru　　Hagane no yuusha yo
Mamoru beki mirai to ai wo shinjite
Towa e! Towa e!

Moshimo　　Chikara tsukite　　Toushi no yaiba kudaketemo
Bokura wa nidoto modoranai　　Tomo ni ginga no umi ni chirou

Osoreruna　　Hokori wo suteruna
I GET THE POWER OF LOVE
Saa　　Mayowazu　　Yukunda!

Ooshiku　　Mai odore　　Sadame no senshi yo
Konjiki no tsubasa de　　Ten ni habatake
Hikukoto wo shiranai　　Hagane no yuusha yo
Moetagiru SOURU no meizuru mama ni
Towa e! Towa e!

Ima koso　　Tachiagare　　Sadame no senshi yo
Inazuma no tsurugi de　　Teki wo kechirase
Yasuragi wo yumemiru　　Hagane no yuusha yo
Mamoru beki mirai to ai wo shinjite
Towa e! Towa e!

Translation

With our hearts gradually filled up with hot and intense emotions, we are going to the last battleground, hand in hand, with a common oath.

Before the dawn sets in tomorrow, we will begin our journey to the skies, to that universe. Please, do not forget that we were once part of Earth. That's our only wish.

We turn around, only to conceal our tears. I get the power of love, to gain back our future, our tomorrow.

Warriors of fate, It's now time to stand up. Use the sword of lightning to scatter your enemies. Heroes of steel, they dream of peace and tranquility. Believe in the future and love that you must protect.

To eternity! To eternity!

If we use up all our energy and strength, and if our blade which signifies our fighting spirit breaks; Even then, we will not turn back, and we shall perish together in the vastness of the galaxy.

We are afraid, and we throw away our pride, but I get the power of love. So, even when we are lost, we shall go forward.

Warriors of fate, you shall dance bravely. Use your golden wings, and fly to the skies. Heroes of steel, they do not have the word "retreat" in their minds. Continue to command with your burning soul of rage.

To eternity! To eternity!

Warriors of fate, It's now time to stand up. Use the sword of lightning to scatter your enemies. Heroes of steel, they dream of peace and tranquility. Believe in the future and love that you must protect.

To eternity! To eternity!

Just a Little

2008-08-21T18:02:00.000-07:00

Well yes, maybe I'm a little upset.
And a little bit tired, maybe.
And a little too much to think of.
A little bit of everything and something.

Well, enough with the rant, and let's go to the.. rant. It's just I never really liked leaving a job half-done. And while I sometimes come off as uncaring, I take certain pride in my works. I'm proud for what I did, and maybe just a tiny bit possessive about it. I know that person doesn't mean it like that, but I can't help but think...

Someone's taking over my job, claiming it as their own, and taking all that away.

I know it isn't true, but well.. couldn't help but think like it. Well, even if it's true, it's happens everyday around the world anyway.

What type of Fae am I?

2008-07-24T02:16:00.000-07:00

What type of Fae are you?

Well, at least I'm not a dark elf.

Stuck

2008-07-21T04:54:00.000-07:00

Of all the things in the world, one of the ones I hate the most is feeling helpless. Getting stuck, is a bit like that. Not knowing what to do next, and getting lost, is something I really, really hate.

Maybe it's pride? I don't know, but I just hate it.

Morning Rambling

2008-07-16T17:54:00.000-07:00

Got not enough sleep last night, as a result, I woke up with a headache and head full of ramblings. Beware, incoherent rambling ahead. Read at your own risk.

---

Don't know what to do
Don't know what to find
Lost in the silence
Lost in the darkness

Does it really matter?
Does it ever matter?
Just a nameless waiting to be named
Ever the voiceless needing to be heard

Was it one needing to be heard?
Or just one in need to listen?
But what is the difference anyway
It still wouldn't matter

When questions fall on deaf ears
When silence is all one hears
What use is then for mouth and ears?
Might as well just go away

Name Tag

2008-07-10T02:35:00.000-07:00

Tagged by Ipeh to some online name generator. Oh, and by the way, sorry for the posting drought. I am busy these days. Really busy. My boss left for Freeport a few days ago, leaving us undermanned here.

On to the tags.

Elf Name : Rúmil Tinúviel

Tinuviel? Hm.. seems like I've heard that name before... d'oh...

Vampire Name : Sahib of Angels, also known as Thor of Moldavia

Rockstar Name : Izzy Dylan

Sounds like Ozzy to me. Anyway, finally...

Gothic Name : Blinding Skin

What the... it sounds like some disease name :P

Anyway, to my dear friend, I'm sorry for saying the wrong thing a few days ago. And sorry that I only make you upset most of the time. I'm still with you though :D.

Even I Have My Limit

2008-06-29T20:42:00.000-07:00

Some people just never listen. Yep, some people just never listen, or perhaps they just don't bother to understand. I thought I said it clearly. I told them when to do it, and they said OK. I told them to call me if there's a problem, so I can help with it. And they don't. So I thought it's all okay.

And it's not. Someone just have to postpone EVERYTHING to the last moment. And he just have to say as if it's all okay when I asked. Well, no it's not okay. And part of it is my fault for not taking things in my own hand, knowing his tendency to just postpone things as always.

Angry? YES, I 'M ANGRY!

Time to prepare contingency plan. And time to face my responsibility, cause it's mine. I am the one that told everyone I'll take care of this. And I will. Don't worry about that.

I promised I'll do it. I'll get it done.

Tagged by Ipeh (Part 1)

2008-06-26T20:40:00.000-07:00

Yep, tagged again. This time, I'll just post one of my answers. The others are for next time.

***

Instructions:
1. Choose up to five of your own characters.
2. Make them answer the following questions.

I chose:
1. Ferzavein Vaunshan (Ferz), my DnD Character from Eldomae Campaign.

What's your opinion on reading and writing?

Ferz : ...
Me : No, you're not getting away with "...". I'm not Tinu.
Ferz : Okay, I write. Sometimes.
Me : Really? I didn't know that.
Ferz : I'm still a bard you know.
Me : Yeah, that's why you're not in DnD 4th edition.

What's your opinion on maths, sciences, and language(s)?

Me : No three dot's.
Ferz : Okay. I am good at science. Well, alchemy, actually.
Me : ... I sometimes forgot you sell hair dyes for a living.
Ferz : Oh, it's not just you. I forgot that sometimes.

What is the best way to learn something?

Ferz : By practicing it over and over. With practice, your body and mind remembers it automatically.
Me : Oh, is that why you love hugging Tinu?
Ferz : ...
Me : Just kidding. Gee, you're not funny at all.
Ferz : Well, blame yourself. I'm your character after all.
Me : Point taken, porcupine.

To what degree do you avoid risks and danger?

Ferz : I avoid danger. And I don't like to take risks.
Me : Em... I think I saw Tinuviel on the way here. She was heading towards a dark elf city.
Ferz : *bolts away*
Me : Hey, you know.. I think half of that city is still after your head- Ah well, he's gone. So much for no risks, eh?

Under what circumstances would you risk your life for someone else?

Me : He's still not back yet. So I'll leave the answer to yourselves. But well, I'll give you a clue. The answer starts with a "T".

Under what circumstances do you think killing someone justified, in general?

Me : I don't really want to know the answer when he returns.
Ferz : *charging at writer* You tricked me!!! Die!!!
Me : Um.. does it answer your question? *runs*

*fast forward a bit after a harrowing life or death chasearound*

Me : Anyway, back to the topic. Under what circumstances?
Ferz : What's wrong with killing people?
Me : Um.. well..
Ferz : Kill before you get killed. It's simple as that, right?
Me : If you put it that way.

What is the worst feeling you experienced?

Ferz : Afraid of losing someone.
Me : Oh yeah, I remember that scene.
Ferz : Shut up.

And what is the best feeling?

Ferz : ...
Me : Not that again. Just answer, will you?
Ferz : Being with Tinuviel. That is enough.

* * *

Other characters will follow if I have time.

Coincidence, or...?

2008-06-26T17:02:00.000-07:00

This is the second straight morning that I found myself awake in blind morning, trying to blink myself to sleep again, when my phone rings to tell me a bad news.

Doesn't help that my friend texted me the night before, that her grandma just passed away. What's with this weekend and passing away..?

Family or 'family', both of them are relatives. Both are people that helped form me as a person. And both are my father's siblings. So I pray for strength to be given to their families, and mine. And all who will miss them.

Goodbye.

A Good Night Sleep

2008-06-25T17:14:00.000-07:00

Last night I came back to my room just to take a bath, and then hit the bed. Without even turning on my laptop or anything. Just hit the bed. And when I woke up, it's already 1 AM. So I blinked, and go back to sleep.

Well, not right away... I remembered something that needs to be written, so I wrote some scrap notes on my phone, and then go to sleep, right till 7.40 AM. Man, I didn't even know I was that tired. But well, I guess I was. Maybe still is. Physically and mentally.

Doesn't really help that when I woke up there's some bad news on my handphone screen. I know it would happen. And the eerie calmness by which I accept the news is, well.. expected. Though other people will probably say I'm heartless. But I have said my goodbye long ago. And I say it again now. Goodbye.

Waking Up

2008-06-25T00:42:00.000-07:00

We are living in a dream
In a world of illusions
A world of false pretense
Where nothing is ever real

I knew this for truth
Yet I don't want this to end
Because I still want to dream
Even if only for a little while

But every dream comes to an end
When the night shifts into day
And it is time for us to leave
And go our separate ways

Scribbling

2008-06-23T02:39:00.000-07:00

We come to this world alone
And we'll leave it alone

If tomorrow one just disappear,
Will anyone notice?

The world will still keep going,
Not stopping for anyone

But will anyone notice?

It's not the question of how many,
Just the question of yes or no.

Because maybe one is enough.

---

Random scribblings after reading the last books of Fruits Basket

Relationship

2008-06-20T01:41:00.001-07:00

Lately, more than one of my friends have insisted that I should start looking for a girlfriend. Perhaps in part to keep me out of my tendency of flirting with my female friends who are already in a relationship. Or maybe just to keep me out of their hairs sometimes :D

But well, there are some reasons why I don't really want to do it right now. Mainly, because most of the.. potential candidates are not in Bali. Which means I'll have to go Long Distance. And I don't really think I want to do that. Not after what happened last time. Besides that, there are.. other reasons. But well, enough of that.

Anyway, I had an interesting conversation with Lin this afternoon. We were talking about "What would you do if you're not afraid". Basically, if what we would have done differently if we don't think of the risks. Which, as she put it, we often stop ourselves from doing something because of the possible risks involved, regardless of whether the risk was real or imagined.

If there's no risk involved, what would I do differently? Maybe quite some things. But without risks, I think the world will be quite boring indeed. How about you? Something you'd like to do if there's nor risk involved?

Running Away

2008-06-17T18:01:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I last posted. I've been busy with work and other things. And then, last week someone did something stupid. Suffice to say that a friend of mine decided to quit his job in a community that we're in. Which is fine by itself, since no one is forcing him to do it anyway. But it becomes not-so-fine when he left a whole truckload of mess behind. And people have to sort it out for him because he left no clues whatsoever about the current status of his job. It's just that. He just left. Or in other words.. ran away.

I don't know about other places but where I work, If you're going to quit you have to arrange a handover of your current jobs. The basic idea is that a person may come or go, it's their choice to do so. But the work must continue. The show must go on. So before you leave, you hand over your job to someone else, tell them of the status of your current job, the outstanding tasks that are still in progress, and the tasks that still need to be done to complete the job. What's so terribly hard about that? Except if you yourself never really knew the status of your current job, the tasks, and what to do after. Now that's a different story altogether.

Aside from the truckload of mess he left, he also left some questions about 'Why'. It doesn't really matter, though. The fact is, he just left. Without even trying to be responsible by briefing someone about the status of his current job.

This is just mere speculation, but I've been getting the feeling of 'being unneeded' creeping from him, so perhaps that's one reason. I know that feeling. And it's torturous, when you knew that the world is just going to stay its course, regardless of what you do. That even if you suddenly disappear, it wouldn't matter for anyone. I know that feeling. I still felt that way these days.

But it still doesn't give someone the justification to just leave all his responsibilities and leave them to someone else. Sure, you always have the right to run away. But for me personally, running away is never an answer. It has never solved anything for me, and it never will.

Bad for Your Health

2008-06-05T03:54:00.000-07:00

I wonder, how do you guys handle the things that you know for sure it's bad for you, but at the same time, you can't seem to stay away from it. Let's say.. that very tasty chocolate that you can't stop eating even though you know it'll do wonders to your teeth, or the sack of potato chips just waiting to be eaten even though you know you're having a sore throat.

These kinds of things... How do you handle them? Do you usually surrender to the temptation.. or brace yourself and say no?

A Simple Psych Test

2008-06-04T20:48:00.000-07:00

I was forwarded this test from a friend last week. While my answers are not exactly on target.. but I can see why the test is quite accurate for most people. Well, why don't you try? :D

---

DO NOT READ AHEAD.

IT TAKES ABOUT 3 MINUTES - WORTH A TRY

1st. Get PEN and PAPER

2nd. WHEN CHOOSING NAMES, MAKE SURE THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE THAT YOU ACTUALLY KNOW

3rd. GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCTS ! Very important for good results.

4th. SCROLL DOWN ONE LINE AT THE TIME
DON`T READ AHEAD otherwise
YOU WILL RUIN THE FUN.

1. On a blank sheet of paper, WRITE NUMBERS 1 through 11 in a COLUMN on the LEFT.

2. BESIDE the NUMBERS 1 & 2 ,

WRITE DOWN ANY
2 NUMBERS YOU WANT..

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE NUMBER?

3. BESIDE the NUMBERS 3 & 7 ,

WRITE DOWN THE NAMES OF TWO MEMBERS
OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER.

CAUTION: DO NOT LOOK AHEAD

4. WRITE ANYONES NAME

(like FRIENDS or FAMILY...)
next to 4, 5, & 6 .

DON`T CHEAT :D

5. WRITE down FOUR SONG TITLES in 8, 9, 10, & 11

6. Finally,

MAKE A WISH

ARE YOU READY?
HERE IS THE KEY TO THE GAME

1. THE NUMBER of PEOPLE YOU MUST TELL ABOUT THIS GAME is found in SPACE 2

2. THE PERSON IN SPACE No 3 IS THE ONE YOU LOVE

3. THE PERSON YOU LIKE but your relationship CANNOT WORK is in SPACE 7

4. YOU CARE MOST about the PERSON you put in SPACE 4

5. THE PERSON YOU NAME IN NUMBER 5 IS THE ONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL.

6. THE PERSON YOU NAMED IN 6 IS YOUR LUCKY STAR

7. THE SONG IN 8 IS THE SONG THAT MATCHES WITH THE PERSON IN NUMBER 3

8. THE TITLE IN 9 IS THE SONG FOR THE PERSON IN 7

9. THE 10 TH SPACE IS THE SONG THAT TELLS YOU MOST ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK PRESENTLY

10. AND 11 IS THE SONG ABOUT YOUR LIFE

----

There are several versions to this test, but for most, the two first numbers don't actually matter. It's more like a diversionary opening. Well, yes, I can understand why this is mostly matches most people. But unfortunately, not really true with mine. (Unless Oz somehow showed up with a good job offer when my current contract is over :D)

Tagged by Natsu

2008-06-04T20:21:00.000-07:00

... title said it all. Cih.

RULES:

1. tag 10 people (not the one who sent it to you!)
2. answer all truthfully
3. take it in public!
4. tell all tagged on their profile that they have been tagged,
and link to your journal.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Info
[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[ ] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/I've had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercing.
[ ] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[x] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life
[ ] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[ ] My biological parents are together. (Was.)
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday
[ ] I've lost a child.

School/Work
[ ] I'm in school
[x] I have a job.
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[x] I almost always do my homework. (but not always at home)
[ ] I've missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year
[ ] I've stolen something from my job
[ ] I've been fired

Embarrassment
[x] I've slipped out an "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[ ] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[ ] I've glued my hand to something.
[ ] I've had my pants rip in public.

Health
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[x] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[ ] I've broken a bone
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[x] I've sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[ ] I've had chicken pox.
[ ] I've had measles

Traveling
[ ] I've driven over 200 miles in one day. (almost, but not quite.)
[x] I've been on a plane.
[ ] I've been to Canada.
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.

Experiences
[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star. (not just 'a' )
[ ] I've wished on a shooting star
[x] I've seen a meteor shower.
[ ] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[ ] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[ ] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[x] I've played spin the bottle.
[x] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car. (not exactly 'crash..' more like bumped)
[ ] I've been Skiing.
[x] I've been in a play.
[ ] I've met someone in person from myspace.
[ ] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.

Relationships
[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumped more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[ ] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger

Honesty/Crime
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[x] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[x] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.

Drugs/Alcohol
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink. (not regularly.. well, almost weekly. Almost)
[ ] I've passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[ ] I've smoked weed
[ ] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I've eaten shrooms.
[ ] I've popped E.
[ ] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I've done hard drugs.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[ ] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I've woken up crying.

Death and Suicide
[ ] I'm afraid of dying.
[ ] I hate funerals. (Only some of them.)
[x] I've seen someone dying
[ ] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[ ] I've planned my own suicide.
[ ] I've attempted suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I own something from The Gap.
[ ] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.

Random
[ ] I can sing well.
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[ ] I watch the news. (not regularly, at least.)
[ ] I don't kill bugs. (die you cockroaches! die!!)
[ ] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[x] I curse regularly.
[ ] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone. (Well, I paid for that damned ringback tone. Involuntarily)
[ ] I'm a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I love being neat.
[ ] I love Spam the opposite!
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day
[ ] I bake well.
[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, red or blue.
[ ] I've worn pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[x] I know how to shoot a gun
[ ] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[ ] I'm good at remembering names.
[ ] I'm good at remembering dates.
[ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

[x] All of those are answered honestly

----

No, I don't tag anyone.. except those who want to.

Behind These Hazel Eyes

2008-05-29T02:28:00.000-07:00

As I promised yesterday. I'll post the lyrics to Kelly Clarkson's "Behind These Hazel Eyes"

Behind These Hazel Eyes
Kelly Clarkson

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

That stupid test from yesterday said that this song described my life. Well, not really. I feel more connected with the song from yesterday, Silly-go-round. But still, this is a nice song.

And yeah, my tendency to keep my troubles to myself somewhat fits the song, if only barely :P Well, I would never allow someone I care about see me cry if they're the cause. It'll hurt them more than me :D

Silly-go-round

2008-05-28T01:58:00.000-07:00

It all started by a junk mail from my co-worker containing a questionnaire-psychotest, which is not entirely correct, but points out that The song that defines my feelings right now is "Silly-go-round" by Fiction Junction.

And I was something like "The hell, I didn't even know the actual meaning of those lyrics." But well, with spare time and all, I decided to scour the web for a translation. After rummaging through unintelligible translation and BabelFish output, finally I found something that was quite understandable.

Here goes.

Silly-go-round
Fiction Junction YUUKA

If I could call out to you
with the same strength as my heart does
then regardless of how many people hurt me
I’ll able to take the pain

When I realize I have but little further to go
The light of dawn breaks down
the walls in front of me

As we awaken from the dream, we keep on running
all by ourselves untill we can see the dream no more
Then when I look back in confusion, the gravity
created between us will one day
pull me back to you

As I let my loneliness flow in me
hiding lies within lies
no matter how many times I may be wrong
I know this is my “Last chance for love”

Though I grow tired of seeing twilight approach
I still cry everytime I see its beauty

Knowing the goals I planned for myself
I skip past the reset button
We’re both going in circles around the same place
Relying on my own strength, I know that our gravity
will one day bring me
back to you

You and me, we’ll be together

As we awaken from the dream
we can use the dream to connect to each other
I stretch out my hand towards the
place where nobody can see or judge us
My heart and body desire more love, and
so the gravity between us
will bring them to you

As I awaken from my dream
I will reach out with my hands...

The original lyric in japanese can be found on the web easily, but in case you are lazy... This is the link

About the song itself, does it match what I'm feeling? Some of it, yes. But I guess it's just the product of my mind doing a conformation process with an ideal. In simpler words, almost any intelligible song lyric would have made some sense if you put you r mind to it. Most lyrics are quite open to multiple interpretations anyway.

Okay, that was my logical side grumbling. But well, it's a nice song, and I really like it. The lyrics are good, too. And yes, even after my logical grumbling, I confess, some of it fits what I'm feeling right now.

As a bonus, the quiz also mentioned Kelly Clarkson's "Behind These Hazel Eyes" as a song that described my life. Maybe I'll post the lyrics tomorrow if I feel like it :D

Family and Home

2008-05-26T21:54:00.000-07:00

For this last two days, I've been talking with a friend about family, and our definition of them. For one, we agreed that blood is not always thicker than water. That we felt closer to ones that we consider 'family' because of a sharing of emotion, and not just by a relation of blood.

Truth is, I am luckier than some of my friends. I have a great blood-family, at least my mum and sis are awesome. The rest of the huge family, they're... well, mostly okay. Mostly. But still, I'm considerably quite blessed.

While we're at the topic, today I thought of something weird. While chatting away with Ipeh about meat pies and non blood-related families, an image pops to my mind. Laugh if you want. It does sounds strange.

A kitchen with Ipeh and Natsu making meat pies and Ozzi stealing freshly baked pies, and Beben laughing away at the kitchen entrance. With Ipeh threatening Oz to make him into a meat pie if he continues his blatant act of thievery. (I imagine I am also laughing, or playing MTG with Beben if I'm on the scene :D )

Sure looks fun if that image can be a reality. It would be a nice home to live in.

Name Meaning

2008-05-20T22:53:00.000-07:00

Found a strange thing on the blogthings website several months ago. Thought I'lll put it up now :P

What Felix Means

You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings.

You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun.

Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are incredibly sexy and sensual. You have a naughty vibe that no one can ignore.

You have an unquenchable desire. And you are unrestrained in your passions.

You have a tendency to be unfaithful. Whether you fight it or give in to it is up to you.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Oh, and I tag anyone that wants to do click the link :P

Except if your name is Ipeh, which in that case, meant that you are tagged. :D

Long Time No See.. er.. Post

2008-05-15T22:11:00.000-07:00

First of all, sorry for the long hiatus (if anyone is reading, that is). In case anyone's wondering, this four months, I've been working. And the place where I'm working blocks several sites, such as Google sign in and all, so I can't blog. And yes, I'm too lazy to write from an internet cafe.

What about now/ well, I recently transfered to another division, which needs extensive internet access, and thus, unrestricted access to all the web. Including Google sign in.

Well, this four months, a lot have happened, and I don't really know where to start. So for now..

Let's start with a tag :D

Tagged by Ipeh.

1- Rate tens character you like, at least two weeks ago until now!

==Male===
1. Lucifer (Sandman/Lucifer)
2. Jarlaxle Baenre (Forgotten Realms - RA Salvatore)
3. Maximillian Genius (Macross)
4. Afanti (The Book and Sword)
5. Jia Xu (Ravages of Time)
6. Sanger Zonvolt (Super Robot Taisen OGS)
7. Halciet (Own DnD Character. Narcissism rules! :D)
8. June Keitou (Forsaken : Black Heaven)
9. Yoh Asakura (Shaman King)
10. Frog (Chrono Trigger)

==Female==
1. Xiao Zhao (Heaven Sword, Dragon Sabre)
2. Yuki Nagato (Suzumiya Haruhi No Yuutsuu)
3. Death (Sandman)
4. Innovindil (Forgotten Realms - RA Salvatore)
5. Li Yuanzhi (The Book and Sword)
6. Sawachika Eri (School Rumble)
7. KOS-MOS (Xenosaga)
8. Sylvanas Windrunner (Warcraft III)
9. Ibis Douglas (SRW Alpha Series)
10. Mika-Eis (Emir's DnD Character)

2- Rate 10 of your favourite games (Anime if you’re not a gamer)!

1. Dungeons and Dragons (Pen & Paper)
2. Magic : The Gathering (Trading Card Game)
3. Super Robot Taisen Alpha 3 (PS2)
4. DoTA
5. Final Fantasy Tactics (PS)
6. Disgaea (PS)
7. Fallout 2
8. Lineage II
9. Super Robot Taisen OGS (PS2)
10. Xenosaga Ep. 3 (PS2)

3- Rate your favourite song!

1. After the Storm - Bill Brown (Lineage II OST)
2. Behind these Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson
3. Sakura Difference - Jyukai
4. Remember the Hill - Do as Infinity
5. Silly-go-round - Fiction Junction YUUKA
6. Forest Calling - Bill Brown (Lineage II OST)
7. I'm With You - Avril Lavigne
8. GONG - JAM Project
9. All You Wanted - Michelle Branch
10. Frog's Theme- Chrono Trigger

My Daemon

2008-01-05T08:48:00.000-08:00

Today, I took the Golden Compass Daemon Test given to me by a friend. Man, I haven't even watched the movie, but well, no hurt in trying. It seems like in their world, peoples' spirits live outside of their body, in animal forms called 'daemons'. This daemon is the manifestation of a person's personality and aspirations.

And guess what I end up with.

Oh well, feel free to fill in and see if that fox fits me or not. Nats, Peh, be my guest.

Dreamscape

2007-12-27T07:49:00.000-08:00

One eye for the dreamscape
Where people know no hate
And smiles come from the heart
In which one has no fright

One ear for the dreamscape
Where lovers unite by fate
And they sing to each other
Songs of love forever

One hand for the dreamscape
Where help comes for those who wait
And one could feel and touch
Without fear of thorns and barbs

One feet in the dreamscape
In the shimmering pool of illusion
Where the world is pure perfection
Yet but a mere bright reflection

One eye to see the way
One ear to hear the call
One hand to open the door
One feet to walk the path

To the world forever waiting
Outside the door of the dreaming
To the world forever waiting
For those who seek the ending

A Merry Christmas To You

2007-12-25T08:09:00.000-08:00

May your heart shine bright
not just on Christmas night
but forever be a light
for the world in plight

Thus I say to you, Merry Christmas

Beautiful Dreamer

2007-12-15T07:36:00.000-08:00

Will you ever wake up, beautiful one?
Locked in your castle of rainbows
Sleeping in your bed of roses
Dwelling in eternal slumber

Will you ever wake up, beautiful one?
From your garden of fragrant memories
From your home of iridescent colors
From the world so near, yet so far

Will you ever wake up?
To stand and not sleep
To walk and not quit
To see, hear, and feel

The world without illusions
Cold, bare, and gray
The bars of your prison
A cage of broken dreams

Starless

2007-11-19T06:39:00.000-08:00

The stars are my wings
Took me high on a clear night
Soaring under the moonlight
With feathers sparkling bright

The stars are my wings
Took me spinning and spinning
Dazzling, Enchanting
Mesmerizing, Intoxicating

The stars are my wings
But only for tonight
Because the dream is nearing its end
And day is coming again

But let us dance tonight
When the sky is still bright
And I am still flying
On my star-clad wings

Quote

2007-11-12T08:15:00.001-08:00

To my friends who's had problems in a relationship, a few words of advice.

In a relationship, there are two sentences that should always be
They are "Thank you" and "Sorry"

In a relationship, there is one sentence that should never be
It is "Break up"

Vending Machine

2007-11-12T07:17:00.000-08:00

Hors de Prix, or better known with its western name, Priceless. It is a French romantic comedy that was shown on Jakarta's Theaters several weeks ago.

Actually, I've watched this movie quite some time ago, but it only recently came to my mind again. Blame the heavy traffic of Jakarta for that. Thinking is one of the most productive activity that one can do while driving at an average speed of barely 1 kmph.

Well, on with it. I won't really get into details with this movie. You can find reviews all over the net. I'm just going to go over one theme that struck me when I watched it. For those who are uninformed, the movie highlights the lifestyle of rich Europeans who have too much money on their hands. And those who took advantage of that.

These... 'parasites' are those who find rich and lonely old men (or women), satisfy their needs, hang around, make them happy, while enjoying themselves (and get richer) along the process.

As is noted in the movie, these people who spend their money mostly knew that they are being used. But they still spend their money nonetheless. Some people may find it strange. But to me, they're just using their money to buy something. I found these people to be a distinct analogue of vending machine users. Put in your money, and it'll give you their product. Which in this case would be.. presence.

Why do I say that? Perhaps because I know how some people really hate being alone. Alone in a mental and spiritual state, not physical. A feeling that becomes more easily found in modern people, in this age of individualism. And I know how far one would go to rid themselves of that feeling.

Some would leave the steady life they've lead all the while. Some would leave families behind. Some ruining other people's life. All to chase after this incoherent thing called "presence" when they couldn't find it in their ordinary life. So when one spends several thousand dollars a day for simple human presence.. I'm not too surprised.

Midnight Scribbles

2007-11-12T07:06:00.000-08:00

Waking up in the middle of the night
Choking in the stale, dead air
Listening to the voiceless whispers
Drowning in the creeping darkness

As I fought the void's caress
As I ignored the eternal whispers
I've come to remember
How much I hate being alone

Disappointment

2007-10-31T18:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just hate it when you've tried so hard, put a lot of yourself to something, and then it just fell apart one way or another. Leaving all those hard work for naught, with nothing left to show except perhaps scars and blisters from the effort. I'd usually say that nothing is ever totally useless, and one could find something to gain even from the most disastrous event. But sometimes it's just too easy to think like "Hell, why do I even bother."

I know, I shouldn't. But that's how I thought.

Se, Jie

2007-10-30T09:18:00.001-07:00

Went out and watched some movie today. It's titled "Lust, Caution" ('Se, jie' in Chinese)starring Tony Leung and newcomer Tang Wei. And what a movie that was. To put it shortly, it's an espionage movie taking place in China at the year 1938-1942, when the country is occupied by Japan. It revolves around young Chinese patriots supporting the country in their war against Japan, with some unexpected ways.

The plot is not too deep. It's neat and at times, unexpected, but not too much so. The power of the movie comes in the acting and the caharacters. The character of Mr. Yee, played to perfection by Tony Leung is very impressive. Detestable, cruel, yet very humane. The same could be said about Wang Jiazhi, played by Tang Wei, She's also a 'powerful' character, with different reasons.

It's a fine watch, well worth the two hour length. Be forewarned though, the movie contains graphical sex and nudity, hints of sado-masochism, and other themes that one might find offensive. Even after the censor, it's still contains quite some amount of these things.

As for myself.. well, I'm feeling better now. The movie helps. In fact, the whole date helps. Thanks for the great night, dear friend :D

Temper

2007-10-29T05:54:00.000-07:00

Lately, my emotion control has been slipping. Hell, it's just so easy to lose my temper and just snap at someone, then regret it later. I don't really know... Maybe all this indecision and waiting has gotten me into me at last. Gosh, I'm tired.

I wish I could just say I'm alright, and everything is fine. But well, they're not.

Jakarta and Traffic Congestion

2007-10-11T10:38:00.000-07:00

First of all, I will assume that you readers are familiar with the traffic condition in Jakarta, the beloved capital city of Indonesia. If you don't, then all the better for you. Believe me, you don't want to feel it firsthand. It's that bad.

The worst part about traffic in Jakarta, is the frequency and severity of congestion. Heavy congestion happens daily, even twice a day. At mornings, when people get to office, and afternoons, when people got out of office. And even outside of those hours, severe congestions happen all the time. Almost anywhere. Even in the toll highways, which are supposedly free of obstacles.

At times, traffic congestion are the aftereffects of an accident, a road renovation, nonfunctional traffic lights. But most of the time, traffic congestion happens because of something simple. Like all congestions, it happened because there is insufficient space to contain the passing mass. In this situation, it means, too few road area for too many vehicles.

It's not that Jakarta has small road. I believe that they got the the widest roads in the nation. It's just that they got too many vehicles on the road. Try seeing the larger streets in Jakarta in peak hours, such as Rasuna Said, or Sudirman. The roads are huge, around four lanes in all. But the volume of car passing through them is even more than that huge capacity could contain. It would probably take an eight-laned road to contain the kind of traffic that passes those roads at peak hours.

Unfortunately, expanding the road would be out of the question. The heaviest load of traffic in Jakarta happens in crowded commercial and business areas, areas that have no more room to spare for significant road expansion. The only solution left, is, naturally, to reduce the number of vehicles traversing the roads. It is what the provincial government has tried to do in the past few years, with no much success.

The majority of vehicles traversing most of Jakarta's crowded roads are private vehicles. It is only logical that these largest portion are the one that is targeted for reduction. To solve this problem, first, we must understand why people in Jakarta use private vehicles int he first place. I'll try to outline several reasons I can think of.

1. Safety

Most people of mid-to-high income in Jakarta are simply afraid to use public transport. The popular belief is that public transport in Jakarta are unsafe, downright dangerous, even. While this is not entirely true, it can't be denied that the number of crimes on public transport in Jakarta is quite high. Thievery, robbery, and coercion happens daily on mikrolet, buses and trains.

This situation must be amended before people of these higher economic class would consider using public transport. If people feel that these public transport are safe, then they'll not be afraid to use it.

2. Unreliability of Public Transport

Most public transport vehicles in Jakarta have a bad habit of stopping wherever they like, for as long as they like. Usually to fill passengers. This action known as "ngetem" is very variable in time. Sometimes it took a mere five minutes before the vehicle is full and the driver decides its time to go. But sometimes it can took almost an hour before the driver decides to move on. Believe me, it happened to me once.

This action is very annoying, especially when one has an appointment to attend. This unreliability is one reason why people are loath to use public transport. With a private vehicle, someone could calculate the time to reach a place quite reliably if he can compensate for traffic jam by going early. When going with public transport, it is harder to compensate and calculate reliably.

Even the transjakarta busway, who doesn't have the "ngetem" practice, is rather unreliable. This is due to the fact that the buses arrive irregularly and the stops are often crowded. This means that sometimes you only wait for a minute to get on a bus, and next time, you'd probably wait half an hour before you finally got on a bus.

To increase reliability, there are several ways. But the most effective one is to provide a new public transport which is reliable and has the ability to carry a lot of people. The obvious candidate is a Subway train, which is unhindered by traffic and fast.

3. Lifestyle

Face it. Going with private vehicle is part of the lifestyle in Jakarta. Some families have one car for each of the family member. Some even more than that. This is made even more so with the cheap bank loan for buying new vehicles. This is one of the hardest to handle. While increasing public services can make people use public transport, it can't change people's lifestyle.

The only suggestion I have to hamper the "One Kid One Car" habit is by increasing taxes for new vehicles, but I doubt that wouldn't work effectively. Not with the government officials still using cars to go anywhere.

That's all, I guess. Any other reasons that i haven't mentioned? Any comments?

Hand in Hand

2007-09-30T09:36:00.000-07:00

Hand in hand, my friend
Love will forever be by your side
Do not be afraid, never give up
Everything will be over soon,
because with you and me, there will be rainbow tomorrow
Hand in hand, my friend
Love will forever be by your side

-Translated refrain of the song "Shou Qian Shou"

When Your Time Comes

2007-09-24T10:01:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I posted here. Partly because I don't really have anything to write. And partly because I'm rather.. busy nowadays ^^; But well, here I am again. Be warned. It's going to be incoherent rambling as usual.

Lately, I got several bad news. Mostly about some elder people in my family. And I'm constantly reminded, that they're getting old. That we are only living in this world for a while, only for our lifetime, and when that rental period is over, we'll move on. Who knows where.

People get old, sick, and die. I know that. It's the eerie calmness that's been bothering me. When hearing those bad news, I don't really say anything, other than some disinterested 'Oh.'. Don't know, perhaps I've seen too much. Perhaps I've lost too much. Or perhaps I've just stopped caring. They're family, I know. And logic dictates that I should care about their wellbeing. But sometimes... I don't really know.

Oh well. Enough of this aimless rambling. Not like it'll do me any good.

Journey to the East, Part Two

2007-09-20T00:33:00.000-07:00

PS : Oops, I didn't realize that I used the same tile as Ipeh on this topic ^^; Sorry, peh, didn't mean to copy :P

Hari keempat

Hari ini Acid pulang duluan ke Bandung. Jadi sedikit lebih sepi. Yah, hari ini seperti biasa diisi dengan jaga pameran. Sesampai di sana, saya melakukan ritual harian, yaitu mengecek perolehan suara untuk Lomba Cipta Jagoan Indonesia. Sampai pagi itu, karakter "Kala" ciptaan Aziza Noor (aka scarlet_dragonchild) masih menjadi pemuncak klasemen. Wow. Kontes cipta jagoan itu sendiri cukup ramai, dengan beberapa desain yang unik dan menjanjikan, seperti Eituo yang lucu, atau Becak Terbang ki Cakra.

Malam ini kami berjalan-jalan di kota Malang. Mulai dari toko "Oen" dimana kami menikmati ice cream yang enak. Sayang Grand Marniere-nya sedang tidak ada T_T Lalu berjalan-jalan di skitar alun-alun kota Malang, melihat-lihat kota Malang di kala malam. Setelah itu kami membeli martabak untuk "makan malam" :P

Hari yang menyenangkan ini ditutup dengan nonton film yang Oz bawa dari Bandung, "Pan's Labyrinth".

Hari kelima

hari ini adalah hari terakhir pameran. Dan juga hari diman apengunjung stan paling ramai. Kebanyakan pengunjung menyukai komik "Saka" yang karakternya nyeleneh dan iseng minta ampun. Tapi banyak juga yang mlihat-lihat komik-komik lain yang kami pamerkan. Salah satu komentar di hari itu sempat membuatku dan Nats tertawa.

Pengunjung : "Mas, komik yang itu Yaoi ya?" *menunjuk ke arah 'Flight of a Nightingale'*
Saya : "Loh, emangnya kenapa mbak?"
Pengunjung : "Soalnya cowok-cowoknya cantik..."

Saya dan Nats langsung ketawa-ketiwi sendiri. Kenapa? Baca saja Flight of a Nightingale kalau ingin tahu :))

Selain itu, di hari terakhir ini diumumkan hasil Lomba Cipta Jagoan Indonesia. Seperti dugaan, "Kala" menjadi pemenang utama, walaupun selisih suaranya lebih tipis dari perkiraan saya. Selamat untuk Aziza ^^;

Akhirnya, setelah pamitan dengan LO dan panitia dan stand-stand lain, kami meninggalkan tempat pameran yang sudah empat hari kami huni. Kemana? Ke seberang, alias Matos. Malam ini bos Ozzi mentraktir kami Pizza Hut. Yay! ^^;

Hari keenam

Harusnya kami pulang hari ini. Garis bawahi kata harusnya. Berhubung saat saya sampai di stasiun untuk beli tiket, ternyata habis untuk hari ini, jadilah kami kembali besoknya saja. Walaupun demikian, somehow saya merasa senang kami tidak kembali hari itu. Ekstra satu hari untuk bersenang-senang di Malang ^^;

Hari itu diisi dengan nonton "Bridge to Terabithia". A very fine movie, IMO. Tapi tontonan kami terhenti di dekat ending ketika listrik mati mendadak. Akhirnya Oz dan Ipeh tidur. Saya sendiri sempat tidur sejenak, sampai mendengar suara-suara d bawah. Ternyata anak-anak tetangga Natsu datang berkunjung. Jadilah saya ngobrol-ngobrol dan main-main di bawah bersama anak-anak lucu tersebut ^^;

Akhirnya hari ini diisi dengan santai. Tidur-tiduran. Begulingan. Tapi tak apa-apa :P It's fun ^^;

Hari keenam

Hari terakhir di Malang diisi dengan pergi makan es krim. Dan saya mencoba es krim dengan rhum yang enak sekali ^^; Kapan-kapan mesti ke sana lagi. Akhirnya setelah pergi makan, kami kembali ke rumah Nats, memberesi barang-barang, lalu kembali ke Jakarta, untuk kemudian lanjut ke Bandung dan kembali ke kehidupan sehari-hari.

Overall, Liburan yang sangat menyenangkan. Terima kasih banyak buat Natsu dan keluarga yang sudah mau menampung kami selama enam hari :D Semoga kapan-kapan bisa ke Malang lagi. Belum puas jalan-jalannya ^^;

Journey to The East, Part One

2007-09-18T01:20:00.000-07:00

Around a month ago, I went to Malang with some friends to attend the 6th National Comic and Animation Week (PKAN6). This is my recollections on what happened. This post and the next part would be written in Indonesian. Mainly because I'm too lazy to rewrite my notes in English.

Hari Pertama.

Berangkat tanggal 27 Agustus dari Jakarta, naik kereta bersama Ozzi dan Ipeh. Sempet terbengong-bengong sejenak saat melihat karung bawaannya Oz yang penuh dengan barang2 pameran. Mau bilang bahwa kalau pameran sebaiknya bawa barang2 yang perlu saja. Tapi sepertinya kebanyakan memang perlu :P Yah, lain kali ga usah bawa scanner dan kotak kartu MTG lah Oz.

Perjalanan ke Malang selama 12 jam lebih terasa lama. Mungkin karena memang lama :P Untungnya sempat beli buku di Gramedia siangnya untuk bacaan. Selain baca-baca, akhirnya banyak ngobrol dengan mas yang duduk di sebelahku. Ternyata dia juga ke malang untuk pameran, walaupun pamerannya berbeda. Kami pameran komik, beliau pameran buku.

Hari Kedua.

Sampai di Malang pagi hari menjelang siang. Setelah sempat celingukan sejenak di stasiun, mencari pintu keluar, akhirnya kami beranjak ke tempat peristirahatan dengan angkot. Sedikit bingung begitu sampai, berhubung kami semua baru kali ini ke malang. Untung petunjuk dari guide kami cukup jelas, dan Malang ternyata juga tidak sebesar itu.

Setelah menemukan Kacang alias Natsu alias guide kami di pinggir jalan, kami berhenti dulu di rumahnya, menitipkan barang-barang dan beristirahat sejenak. Ternyata Acid sudah sampai duluan di sana.

Setelah makan pagi dan istirahat, kami beranjak ke tempat pameran. Rencananya sih cuma mau konfirmasi kedatangan, nitip barang, lalu baru mulai besok. Akhirnya kami malah mulai pameran hari itu juga, walau dengan stand yang dadakan. Mendekati sore, kami kabur dari tempat pameran, menuju Malang Town Square (MATOS) yang ternyata tepat di seberang jalan. Makan malam di sana memuaskan (Bebek bumbu bali. Hap ^^;)

Setelah makan dan main-main, kami bergerak kembali ke rumah Nats yang menjadi home base kami di Malang. Di perjalanan, terjadi hal menarik. Saat menunggu angkot, kami menunggu cukup lama, sampai kami mulai tidak sabar dan berpikir untuk menggunakan taksi. Waktu itu ditetapkan batas waktu 10 menit. Lebih lama dari itu, kami naik taksi saja. Tepat 10 menit kemudian, Ozzi bertanya "Berapa lama lagi?" dan saya menjawab "Sebentar lagi.. yak, habis." Dan tepat saat itu, angkot yang ditunggu lewat di depan kami.

Beh.

Hari Ketiga.

Hari ini terjadi sedikit kesulitan bangun pagi. Sepertinya karena semalam bangun sampai terlalu larut, atau simply karena kecapean di perjalanan. Yang jelas, kami berangkat terlambat ke tempat pameran. Yang diperparah dengan angkot yang ngetem sampai sejam.

Setelah seharian jaga pameran, diputuskan bahwa menu makan malam hari ini adalah sate, tepatnya sate yang lewat di depan rumah Natsu. Karena itu, dari pameran kami langusng beranjak pulang tanpa makan dulu. Seperti malam sebelumnya, kali ini kami juga menghadapi masalah dengan angkot ASD yang tidak datang-datang. Entah, sepertinya mereka sentimen dengan kami :D

BErhubung malam ini angkot ASD tidak muncul bahkan setelah dicountdown, maka kami menggunakan angkot lain, dengan sekali ganti. Sedikit berputar-putar memang, tapi menyenangkan. Jadi bisa melihat-lihat kota Malang.

Oh, dan saya menemukan hal yang lucu dengan angkot di Malang. Mereka jarang muncul saat dicari, punya waktu ngetem yang sangat variabel antara 5-45 menit, dan kapasitas maksimal mereka lebih dari 7-5-nya angkot bandung, bahkan walaupun mobilnya rata-rata lebih kecil. Soalnya kami sempat mengalami kapasitas... 8-6? atau lebih? mengingat masih ada yang menggelayut di pintu, dan seorang terpaksa dipangku :P

Sekian bagian satu, hari-hari selanjutnya akan dilanjutkan di bagian dua.

Random Thoughts

2007-09-08T07:10:00.000-07:00

Things long forgotten
Thoughts forever drowned
Floated up from the depths
Causing ripples in the surface

Tearing away
The illusion of calmness
The veil of silence
The mask of indifference

Because of one hand
One hand that reached
Past the murky waters
Touching the spirit within

Silently beckoning
Silently inviting
Calling from behind the veil
Between illusion and reality

Does it matter, then?
Whether illusion or real
Pain always felt the same
Loss always felt the same

Tagged by Cipto

2007-08-12T21:34:00.000-07:00

Gee, thanks, Cip. I thought I was saved from this when Ipeh tagged Nats instead... Oh well, here goes.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Felix
2. Fei
3. Pil2 (okay, that one's limited to some people :P)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU'VE HAD:
1. Zaku(ruchi)
2. cangkir
3. Alvales

THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 33 MINUTES:
1. Drinking milk
2. Browsing
3. Walking to the lab

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My ability to write
2. My personality (though sometimes I dislike it)
3. My processing speed

THREE THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Envy
2. Tardiness
3. Indecisiveness

THREE PARTS OF YOUR ORIGINS:
1. Jakarta
2. Bandung
3. Orenjonion

THREE THINGS YOU'RE AFRAID OF:
1. Being alone
2. People's overexpectation
3. Hurting other people.. again...

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. shirt
2. pants
3. my trusty watch

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. friends
2. fresh air
3. sleep

THREE IMPORTANT OBJECTS:
1. My PC
2. Handphone
3. My wallet.. or rather, its contents :P

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS:
1. Simple Plan
2. Fiction Junction
3. Mocca

THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY:
1. Writing a good piece
2. Being with close friends
3. Making people happy

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Silly-go-round - Fiction Junction
2. Sakura Difference - Jyukai
3. Handel's Sarabande - Maksim

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Get a good job
2. Travel around Java with close friends
3. Write a novel-length story

THREE THINGS YOU REGRET:
1. School life. Could've been more fun
2. Hurting people precious to me
3. My hedgehog mode

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Mutual understanding
2. Companionship
3. Honesty

THREE IMPORTANT THINGS YOU'VE GIVEN TO THE WORLD:
Don't remember any.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in order):
1. Truth
2. Truth
3. Lie

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX:
1. Hair
2. Eyes
3. Smile

THREE EMOTIONAL THINGS YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX:
1. Understanding
2. Warmth
3. Frankness

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Eliminate my tardiness
2. Socializing for long period of time
3. Forget the past

THREE THINGS YOU MISS FROM YOUR PAST:
1. Lin
2. My father
3. ...

THREE GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE:
1. a laptop
2. money. Lots of it :D
3. a hug

THREE REASONS WHY YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE:
1. God
2. Myself
3. People around me

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
1. Writing
2. Browsing the internet
3. Gaming

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Meet a certain someone
2. WoW
3. Sop Buntut

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. IT Consultant
2. Writer
3. Quality Assurance for Games :D

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR HOLIDAY:
1. Singapore
2. Bali
3. Malang

THREE CARTOON CHARACTERS:
1. Tachiki Noriko (yes, you know what I've been reading...)
2. Spiderman
3. Tinuviel Eldaranel (^^)

THREE BOY’S NAMES:
I'm not good with names

THREE GIRL'S NAMES:
See above

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
Just to live my life as usual

Now, the next person to tag... Hm... Piyo~ if you're reading this, you're tagged :P

PS : Sponsor's message. Cupie, if you read this. You're tagged too.

When Reality Knocks at the Door

2007-07-20T02:57:00.000-07:00

Warning : Unstructured rambling imminent.

How should I start? Well, suffice to say that i found some revelations about some things of the past. How much of it was true? I don't really know. And frankly, it doesn't matter. Sometimes I forgot how the world is not always what it seems. Sometimes, I forgot how thankful I should be for what I have.

Does it matter? Sometimes knowing something without being able to do anything about it, hurts just as much as not knowing anything. And I have just realized how selfish I am. Where was I when I'm needed? Where was I when someone I call friend suffers? In my ignorance, I shut myself from their world. Thinking it's all right out there. When in fact it's not. When in fact nothing is as simple as I thought.

What's past is past. One can only learn from it, and step forward. I know that, but sometimes it's just hard to do. Ah well, at the very least, this revelation taught me a lot. Be thankful for what you have... some people might kill for things you've taken for granted.

PS : Time to start caring more about what happens around you, you insensitive bastard...

Mine, or...?

2007-07-16T22:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I'm confused. Is this feeling mine, or was it someone else's? Sometimes it's just too real to ignore. Too captivating to call it not my own. Or was it always a part of me? Are these words mine, or his? And does it matter? He's a part of me, as much as I am a part of him.

And I thank you, abbil, for your advice. Sometimes we need to be more honest with ourselves. Sometimes we need to start being more honest to others.

All trust is foolish, indeed. But sometimes we need to be a fool to truly enjoy life.

Lost and Found

2007-07-04T23:03:00.000-07:00

Several days ago, I rummaged through my old archives and found some very old works of mine. Which leaves me wondering, where'd all that motivation go? Lately, I can't even bring myself to start writing. I have ideas, but no willpower to start. Ah, well, perhaps I should just get my rusty gears to work again...

After seeing those old works, I realized that my writing style's changed over the years. And well, it's a change for the better. I guess I should thank Ravey for that. All those years working at Forsaken : Black Heaven really improved my skills. Especially when faced with a very criticizing editor such as him.

Oh, and speaking of lost and found... I found some old links too. Two of them are my Johari window and my Nohari Window. For those who know me, feel free to fill them.

Done and Done

2007-06-21T19:19:00.000-07:00

Finished. Sorta. Now, just waiting for the ceremonials.

Just one question though.

What am I going to do now?

Simple Computer Problems

2007-06-14T20:44:00.000-07:00

Things to do when your monitor shows a blank after startup (i.e. computer 'breakdown')

1. Take a look at your CPU lights when it's turned on. Is it running? If so, and if the monitor shows a 'No Signal Input', check the cable that connects your comp and the CPU. Most of the time it's just a loose cable.

2. When you start it up, does it emit an audible 'beep'? If so, check the beeping against the table below :

For Award and Phoenix BIOS:

1 short beep: Normal
2 short beeps: CMOS error
1 long and 1 short beep: DRAM error
1 long and 2 short beeps: Video card error
1 long and 3 short beeps: Keyboard error, or video card error
1 long and 9 short beeps: ROM error
Long continuous beeps: DRAM not installed correctly, bad memory, or incompatable
Short continuous beeps: Bad power supply

Check the appropriate hardware's plugging for each problem.

3. If it doesn't even start, meaning not even the lights are on, and no sound, check your power supply and cables. Most likely the problem stems from there.

This 'guide' is by no means perfect, and is put online only by the request of some friends who kept getting 'simple' problems with their PC. Feel free to use it, but be warned. Your mileage may vary.

Masquerade

2007-06-07T23:53:00.000-07:00

Warning : What lies below is not the most structured writing you'll ever see. It's just a huge number of personal rants and ramblings put together in a fine bloody mess. And no, It's not directed to anyone in particular.

I sometimes wonder, do chameleons ever feel an identity crisis? I mean, when one spends most of their time mimicking others, doesn't one begin to feel like something else? Does it ever occur to them, that possibly, they've changed colors so often that they forgot what their true color truly are?

Some people sometimes wear too many masks, and forgot what their true faces are. Some were too afraid to open their masks, in fear of non-acceptance. And some wore them because of necessity, or so they thought.

It's probably fine for these masqueraders to shift from one mask to another, basking in their relative safety from the outside world. But, as a friend once told me, It's not that fine for those outside. It's not easy befriending someone while you don't really know what he thinks.

It's even worse when one's masquerade encounters another. And it's chilling to behold. Who knows, under the blanket of smiles, how many daggers are being hidden? When one spent their life inside a mask, it's only natural that one suspects what lies behind the mask of another. Imagine a society full of these creatures, always suspecting, never trusting, keeping distances away from the other with masquerades.

Then you'll have a colony of hedgehogs... or dark elves.

Tagged by Ipeh...

2007-06-05T02:06:00.000-07:00

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
"Hal ini diperlukan karena dalam penentuan kandidat awal menggunakan signature..."
yes, it's my project report

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
Almost hit Oz...

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Star Sports in my friend's place

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
16:15

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
16:17

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
People talking.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Just now, walking to campus

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
My Project Report

9. What are you wearing?
Blue shirt and jeans

10. Did you dream last night?
Yeah

11. When did you last laugh?
Yesterday?

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Posters, Calendars, et cetera... (I'm in UKJ's secretariat ^^; )

13. Seen anything weird lately?
Oz, if he counts as weird

14. What do you think of this quiz?
...

15. What is the last film you saw?
Pirates of South china Sea... er... Caribbean : At World's End

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
A new PC

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I get depressed easily

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I don't really know

19. Do you like to dance?
yes

20. George Bush:
Which one? Senior or Junior?

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
That would be up to my future wife ^^;

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Look up :P

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Yeah

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
"Welcome home."

25. 4 people who must also do this meme in THEIR journal:
Those who wanted to :)

A Song

2007-05-29T23:35:00.000-07:00

Ballad of Serenity
Joss Whedon & Sonny Rhodes

Take my love
Take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care
I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me

Take me out
To the black tell 'em I ain't coming back
Burn the land
And boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

Have no place
I can be
Since I found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me

The Little Girl and The Wolf

2007-05-28T03:48:00.000-07:00

After reading Kappa's blog, I decided to run a little rampant on the web, searching for some older versions and variations to well-known fairy tales. After finishing my job, I came into conclusion that the Brothers Grimm did quite a good job in transforming some tales into bedtime stories as they were today. The older versions of some stories (e.g. Sleeping Beauty, Snow White) are not as tame as their well-known versions. To find out what I meant,just read the history sections of these stories in this page.

And while cruising the web, I found some interesting variations to these well-known tales. I'll post one that really caught my eye right after this. Enjoy ^^;

The Little Girl and the Wolf
by James Thurber

One afternoon a big wolf waited in a dark forest for a little girl to come along carrying a basket of food to her grandmother. Finally a little girl did come along and she was carrying a basket of food. "Are you carrying that basket to your grandmother?" asked the wolf. The little girl said yes, she was. So the wolf asked her where her grandmother lived and the little girl told him and he disappeared into the wood.

When the little girl opened the door of her grandmother's house she saw that there was somebody in bed with a nightcap and nightgown on. She had approached no nearer than twenty-five feet from the bed when she saw that it was not her grandmother but the wolf, for even in a nightcap a wolf does not look any more like your grandmother than the Metro-Goldwyn lion looks like Calvin Coolidge. So the little girl took an automatic out of her basket and shot the wolf dead.

(Moral: It is not so easy to fool little girls nowadays as it used to be.)

The Week That Was

2007-05-28T02:43:00.000-07:00

It's almost done. Just a little finishing touch, and my final Project report is done, and I'll be ready for the final test. Ah well, It's been a week since my last post, and I think it's time to do post some rants (again).

Lately, I'm spending more money than usual, which is not good. I definitely have to begin saving until I find some income. Perhaps it's time to get some paying projects.

And I can't even recall what I've done in this past week, save from some uneventful things. Man, I'm bored. I guess I'll finish this report ASAP, and find some excitement somewhere...

Oh, and today someone asked me something about friendship. Which left me wondering, how many of those I considered friends are truly my friend, and how many are only acquaintances? Probably not that many, especially considering my tendencies to keep my distance from everyone. Ah well, I know I should change it, but knowing and being able to do it are two different things.

Stupid hedgehog.

A Different Kind of Fool

2007-05-20T21:30:00.000-07:00

Which is more stupid?
One who doesn't know what to do?
Or one who knew what to do,
yet can find no willpower to do it?

Which is more foolish?
One who loved everyone and not oneself
or one who loved nobody but oneself?
Tell me, then.

Actors who have many masks
But forgot what their face looked like
Philosophers who have many wisdom
Yet applied none to themselves

Lovers who loved and hurt
Shut out love in return
Afraid of hurt, they become
Not Lovers anymore

One who sees illusions of the past
Yet whose feet walks the present
Looking ever backwards
Never to the future

One who cares yet pretends not to
One who pretends to care but in truth don't
One who is blind but pretends to see
One who sees but averts their eyes.

Which kind of Fool are you?

Rants... and Lots of it.

2007-05-20T20:48:00.000-07:00

Okay... where to start? I got a lot to rant about lately, and surprisingly (or not) most are not about myself.

Let's see. How about we start at... the legendary traffic problem in Jakarta. For those who lived there, you should know what I mean. The whole city streets are overpacked with private vehicles, public transport, and motorcycles. As some 'experts' would say, the solution to these traffic problems are Mass Rapid Transport (MRT). Hell, even a half-decent engineer like myself could figure that out.

Now, let's look at MRT. For now, Jakarta has its commuter train (which is reputedly packed and unsafe, but I leave that for readers to decide. Just try the 6 AM economic-class for a change.) and the new busway.

Suffice to say that the Busway system is... undermanned and underequipped to deal with the number of potential passengers. The newer corridors have far lesser number of vehicles than needed. As such, the arrival rate of the buses are erratic at best. Sometimes it only took 5 minutes, sometimes (more likely) they'd arrive at around 20 minutes interval, and even then, it's likely to be full and could only load only a handful of extra passengers.

Some stated that Jakarta would apply a congestion control zone to regulate the traffic. As a general rule, congestion control is nice, IF, and only IF the public transport is at least halfway decent. Which is, sadly, not the case for Jakarta. When congestion control is applied without decent public transport, people would have to choose between expensive private transport, or unreliable public transport. a choice between bad and worse. And believe me, it's not fun to be presented that kind of choice when you're just trying to make your living.

The obvious answer to transportation problems in a large city is Subway. The subway took virtually no space above ground (where it's tightly packed in large cities), and have a very good ratio of energy per people transported. Unfortunately this approach has severe problems two. One is that it's expensive to build, and expensive to maintain. This is usually not a problem, except that by being a public transport, it should be affordable to the potential passengers. 'Affordable' and 'Expensive' apparently doesn't like each other that much.

Two, is that Jakarta's underground map is sketchy at best. Imagine sewage lines, gas pipes, water pipes, phone lines, fiber optics, and all other goodies crisscrossing under there. And now imagine, how should you put a train tunnel through all that mess. Add to that, the fact that several of the agencies that overlook those mess aren't exactly well-coordinated, and some even, have inaccurate maps. Believe me, it's true. As an example, a friend once complained about an 'official' map of one of the agencies showing noticeable discrepancies of distance and scaling when compared to the field situation. And some, even showing objects that was not there. While some mislabeled an object as another. Fun, eh?

Of course, if one were to think through the problems, they should find some solutions. Ideas such as digging the tunnel deeper than the known pipes, or rerouting intersecting routes, were possibly viable.

Ah well, enough of my rant for now... Perhaps I'll continue later. Perhaps.

Empty

2007-05-19T08:55:00.000-07:00

Again. This afternoon, I felt it again. That emptiness that's been haunting me. I know I should be working, finishing the last miles of my report. Yet, I can't help but feel it. I don't know. Was it the idyllic life? Was it my loneliness?

I don't know. Perhaps it's just reality hitting me straight in the face.

Research Life

2007-05-14T23:32:00.000-07:00

These last weeks, I've been living in a chaotic pace, and it's begun taking it's toll on my body. I really should start stop my nocturnal lifestyle and return to normal. Well, what is 'normal' anyway? Just a perception of what the majority of people think is 'normal'. But well, that's enough.

Anyway, I've known how hard it was to do scientific research in Indonesia for a while, but yesterday was the first time I've experienced it first hand. After one year of hard work working on my research, now I got the chance to publicize it. Only one catch. I should pay for the publication fee. Yes. I should pay for it. And no, it's not a small amount, not for a student with no steady income like me. Well, after researching without payment for a year, that's quite some news.

Luckily, the university got me a discount, and my lecturer helped pay half the entrance fee. Or I wouldn't have it published. With the situation being like this in most places, I understand why it's so hard for Indonesian researchers to actually give mentionable results. And the educational climate in most universities nationwide isn't exactly helping.

With most universities pushing their students to graduate ASAP (higher turnover ratio of goods, higher income. Simple economics, eh?), 4 years max, how are they supposed to have time for anything other than studying?

One More Step

2007-05-14T00:48:00.000-07:00

One more step. One more step, and I'll graduate from this place that's been my home for five years. One more step.

So why is it that hard to take that step? Dammit, I need motivation. At times like these, I hate being "one-handed"... C'mon man... pull yourself together.

Just the Right Way

2007-05-12T09:40:00.000-07:00

Lost my way
In this winding road
Just don't know
Where to turn

But perhaps it's okay
Just to lose mysef
A little bit further
Just for a little while longer

Lost Things

2007-05-08T22:26:00.000-07:00

Have you ever find yourself giving a lot of your time into one thing, and when you look up around you, you realize that in the process of doing so, you've lost contact with almost anything else? Funny. It never felt so wrong, until you've realized how much you've lost.

A Jumble of Things

2007-05-08T01:10:00.000-07:00

Finally, It's almost over... Just one more step. But now that my proverbial train is nearing its last stop, I'm still feeling uneasy. What awaits when I step down there? Ready or not, my time's almost done here. Finally it's time to accept my responsibilities.

But well, no use in complaining. As my friend once said, you won't get anywhere without trying. I guess it's already time I got up and start working.

Anyway, lately, I've been filling my spare time (which I have in loads) with a jumble of things. I've begun writing again after a month of hiatus (Hunters in the Dark is now running again), and reposting old works (Forsaken : Black Heaven is up again at everlucid.net). And even revisiting DnD. Feels strange that after several years not playing the game, now I'm DMing several times a week.

It's a fine experience, though. I enjoyed DMing as much as I love playing DnD. It's a pity that I haven't got much time left here.

The Pope's Remarks

2006-09-19T05:09:00.000-07:00

At first, I didn't think the reactions on the Pope's speech would be this bad. But well, I was wrong. One quote from a person living several centuries ago, not even your own words, and now you're compared to Mussolini and Hitler? Cool. It's easy to have the reputation of a mass genocider at this age.

What is more surprising (or perhaps not), was the reaction from Iran, Somalia, and Al-Qaeda spokesman in Iraq. The heavily violence-laden comments were exactly what the Pope was talking about. Violence and Religion are not compatible with each other. While I know that Islam is a peaceful religion, and some Moslems are appalled at these comments too, I cannot help but think about the effects of these kinds of response. Responding with violent threats and demonstration, bombing churches and burning statues are only making the situation worse. Islam is not a violent religion, if so, who are these people, who practice violence in the name of Islam? Violence is only going to make Islam as a whole to be misunderstood even more, and the western media is not helping at all.

Perhaps it's about time to start reading the pope's speech as it was intended, and not only the one quoted part.

Getting Old

2006-08-10T08:49:00.000-07:00

Well, today is my 22nd birthday. Rather than rejoicing, I got the sinking feeling that I am indeed getting older. It would be nice if I could just stay forever 21, but well, that's not how the world works. We all grew up someday, whether we want it or not. I somewhat understood how Peter Pan felt when he decided to stay in the Neverland. The world where he need not get old. But even Peter Pan grew older, not by age, but by personality. In the many versions of his story, he confronts Hook for the final time, showing a sense of adulthood in his responsibility on the fates of his friends. That flash of responsibility alone marks him as being more adult than his playful self.

Well, enough of that. It's already time to leave my Neverland. Speaking of the past, on this day, I recieved two very noticeable congratulations among those that I got today. One was from my first real crush. She wrote only two words, perhaps more out of necessity than true care, but it was enough for me. Perhaps she didn't want to leave a hole for me to get in, fearing that we'll both hurt each other again. Then again, perhaps there was really nothing left to say between us. Funny how love could change two best friends into almost total strangers. We only exchange greetings, perhaps out of necessity. Every conversation was guarded in fear of opening old wounds. Does it hurt? Excruciatingly yes, and even as time goes by, the wound never closes completely. But well, I've learned to accept it.

The other was in the form of spoken words, from another woman that I've had some past with. It's not the words that shocked me, but her teary eyes as she said that. She must've had some fight with her boyfriend before, but when I asked, she just shrugged it off as nothing. Typical of her. I mean, how could tehre be nothing when she was crying? For god's sake, she's a strong woman, though very emotional at times, how could there be nothing? The sight of her teary eyes almost broke my self-control. We're just friends now, and her boyfriend is my friend too. Yet I can't help but reminisce on what could have been. I guess I still care about her, a lot.

Me and my life... Well, perhaps this year would bring better luck. Who knows?

Random Scribblings

2006-08-04T08:06:00.000-07:00

Appeared once, and then it's gone
Where there was, now there's none
Uninvited, unintended
Lost to the dark reality

Once I had, now I don't
A gift it was, I see not
Unwished for, unasked for
But never a bad thing

Was it ever real?
Illusion never was
Dreams never was
A fleeting blaze of hope

What is right?
What is wrong?
All lost in shades of grey
Gone like the breeze of spring

Dead, left by the life
Cold, forgotten by the sun
Lost my touch, lost my voice
Trapped in the middle of nowhere

__________

Just some random scribblings, nothing to get serious at...

Time's Running Out

2006-07-24T22:52:00.000-07:00

And July's nearing its end. I have to do my final assignment at an increased pace if I still wanted to graduate on March. Need more motivation, but it's getting harder and harder to find at these moments. Perhaps I need a "left hand" for motivation. Not easy being "one-handed".

God Knows

2006-07-06T09:57:00.000-07:00

Just finished watching "Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu". Great piece of work by Kyoto Animation there. Haruhi is very loveable, and Kyon's horrified expressions and his monologues are really funny ^^;

Currently addicted to the song "God Knows", SHnY epi 12's insert song.

Presence

2006-05-08T05:30:00.000-07:00

It's been more than one month since my last post. I don't know what iv'e been doing these last weeks. I've been busy, or at least busying myself, with trivial things. I don't know. Just can't get my priorities staright. I know i should start focusing on the important things, but knowing and being able to do it are xompletely different things altogether. That has always been my problem. I know lots of things, I know what i should do, but summoning enough willpower to do it is, most of the time, something that i can't do.

And well, this last month seemed to just breeze past me like so many other months in my life. I don't know, sometimes i just feel like i'm just wasting my time. Sometimes it's just like whatever i'm doing is insignificant. And I feel like i've lost one friend these last months. I don't know, she just drifted away, and I didn't even try hard enough to hold her back. Feh, like i even have the right to do that. I don't know, was it fear? Fear of starting yet another grave mistake like the year back, or even the one before that?

I just don't know. Too many thoughts. Too many jumbled mess in my head, and too many things to do. Then why am I writing this? Ah, me and myself. Poking at other's troubles, pretending to care, yet keeping my distance so that i won't get splashed by the murky problems. Perhaps juist a way to keep my mind off my own troubles. As my friend once said. I deal with other's problems, but not mine. And it makes things worse by each day.

Really, i knew that as fact.

Lots of Work

2006-03-21T21:40:00.000-08:00

Currently writing a proposal for my final assignment. I told myself to have it done by weekend, and to start presenting it on april. At the very least, i need to have half of my final assignment done by the end of this semester. Work, work, work!

At the very least, with this work in front of me, I can finally start getting my life in order. And with my mind preoccupied, I have little time to dwell on this... feeling. I don't know, i guess i'm just a little lonely. Well, my own fault for keeping my distance to nearly every person in my life. Stupid hedgehog...

And Thannie finally stops boycotting my works. I don't know what's wrong with him. I don't even do a thing, and he just boots like there was never anythign wrong. What a fickle computer. I guess it takes on my personality :D

Headache

2006-03-09T17:58:00.000-08:00

Got an annoying headache early this morning. Maybe it's just my body protesting for the too-early wake up call. Anyway, I should really start getting my life in order. Lately, I've been living in a far too chaotic pace and it's proving to be hazardous for me, physically and mentally.

And now, of all times, my beloved Thannie (yes, that's my comp) decided to die out on me. I hope that it's just temporary, like always. I need him for my projects. Oh, and i forgot to put this on my last pos. It's the darker side of the johari window. Feel free to fill it.

Worries

2006-03-02T20:25:00.000-08:00

I finally finished my assignment for today, but then someone finally reminded me taht i still got lots of stories to write -_-. I suppose it's already time that i started writing again.

Lately, my worrywart side's been popping out too often, but i suppose it's just natural. I am on my final year after all... I guess I'm just unsure about what I'll do once I finished here.

It's just like I've been on a train all this time, with railways to guide the way. And now that the train's nearing the final station, I'm dreading the fact that there are no more predefined paths to follow.

*sigh* oh well, this is just not like me at all... I guess it's time to go out and play for a while.

anyway, for those who know me, feel free to fill this. Yes, that is me. The nick "Zaku" was already in use.

Idling Away

2006-02-23T18:59:00.000-08:00

Lazy, lazy, lazy... That's what i keep telling myself. With all those works ahead of you, and you're still idling away here? Ah well, me and my lazy self. I have several stories to be replied, my own personal project to do, and my final assignment on top of all that. *sigh*

Well, at least i'm compiling enough data for my assignment proposal (God bless Wiki). As for the stories... Rave would probably kill me if i didn't write for another month. But hell, what can i do... It's not like i don't want to write. It's just that I never got the right mood. Call me moody if you want. I'd take that as a compliment.

Opening

2006-02-23T18:41:00.000-08:00

Hm, so finally I started blogging again. This is a new site, since i forgot the password to my old site (Heck, i even forgot my old user name) . So, without furher ado, I present you... Teacups and Scribbles ver.1.02 ^^;

Oh, for those who doesn't know me.. I'm just an ordinary person looking for my place in life. This blogging activity is done only to put my scribblings to someplace where people can actually read it.